Thursday, July 3, 2008

Stuck

Ever get to a place where you want to make a decision, but can't due to some outside limiting factor.
That's where I (we) are.

If you didn't realize from the last post, this cycle didn't work. We did bravelle shots, and HcG shot, timed intercourse, and HcG booster, bloodwork, ultrasounds, etc. and came up short.
This is only the 2nd cycle that we've done this time around. The 1st cycle was cancelled due to poor egg production (weren't big enough)
This time there was one egg ready on my left, and one on the right, only the right doesn't count. You see my fallopian tube and a cyst had a battle, and my body lost out.

Regardless, the problem is that when I called Dr. Jarrett's office to inform them of the negative HPT test, the nurse said something to the effect of, "Now, Dr. Jarrett wouldn't like me telling you this, but with only one side connected you should consider IVF. I have two kids by IVF thanks to Dr. Jarrett, and I really think that's what you should consider."
Then she proceeded to say that usually at this point patients take a month break, (during which you can try on your own), and then go back to treatment. She then asked if that's what we wanted to do, or if we wanted to talk to the Dr. ourselves... hmm, let me think really hard about that one...
So we have an appointment on the 18th to talk to Dr. Jarrett again.

I have to say, I'm not optimistic. Having your spouse give you repeated injections, doing bloodwork every other day, and taking pills, etc., just isn't what I call a great time, especially if doing all that doesn't prove an outcome.
When we tried the very first time, back in 2004/2005, we came to this point where we were being pushed to do IUI's, (turkey baster), and we stopped. We decided it wasn't worth it anymore, and that since what we really wanted was a family, there were different ways to go about that. We got the most wonderful start to a family that way. But we don't want to raise Ché as an only child. It seems so lonely. We started trying again on our own, instead of going straight to adoption because of the cost. Technically, even without insurance coverage doing some of these less invasive treatments is cheaper. Costing about $800-$1000 a month instead of $30,000 for an adoption. The problem is, it isn't getting us anywhere.
We did have the fortunate luck to have Dr. Jarrett write things in such a way that our insurance decided to cover some of the meds, but no matter what he's not going to be able to get a big Catholic University to cover IUI's or IVF's. It's just not a possibility. An IUI runs around $6000-8000 and IVF of course is more. The first time around we were told that IVF doesn't usually work the first time around, so you should always plan to pay for two cycles.

So now here we are, stuck at a point where a decision has to be made. A tough one, that has the limiting factor of finances. We can't afford further infertility treatment, and we can't afford another adoption. So our really only true option, is to raise Ché as an only child. (We know, foster care, but there are issues there that I just don't feel like going into...)

It's a lonely world, that very few people seem to understand.

1 comment:

MissHum22 said...

I'm so sorry, guys.

It's too bad you're not Angelina Jolie, right? They just give you babies at that point. Or Madonna! She doesn't even need the parent's permission.

But you know what? You have time. No, I have not had IF problems, but I do know what it's like to freak out and try to time things correctly as far as my children are concerned. It can get very emotional, to say the least. Che is only, 2 1/2. He's not missing out on anything at this point, nor is he lacking. Maybe you guys can start saving now? If you invest your money right, you never know how much you can have in 4 or 5 years. Or maybe you can take out a loan & invest it for a few years or put it in a interest-bearing money market or CD & let it grow for awhile.

I know, you probably don't want people giving you advice right now; You've heard enough. So all I'll say is it's okay to cry for now. But remember - it's never the end. It's never too late. There is always a way & you will find that way at the right time.

LOTS of love -