I've been thinking a lot lately. I think every day, but not usually about anything that important.
But lately, I've been thinking about some important things. I even got mad at Mike because of my thinking. (And I'm sorry for that.)
The part that I got mad at Mike about is that I felt somewhat pushed into trying the fertility meds again. I would be happy as a clam to scrape together a bunch of money and adopt again. It's a known situation. I remember doing the paperwork, sending out the money, etc. It was heart wrenching, exciting, terrifying, and wonderful all at the same time, but I know what that's like. I also know what it's like to become an instant parent to a toddler. I don't know what it's like to be pregnant, give birth, and parent an infant. I'm not scared to have a baby in the house, although I'd rather sleep than get up in the middle of the night. (We've been blessed with a good sleeper). I also have worries about what Mike is going to be like. He's wonderful with Ché, but it's like Ché has another play thing. I truly feel that even though he is capable, there are times where I could wring his neck for lack of help. I feel that 80-90% of the time I do the disciplining, and cooking and cleaning up, while Mike plays. Generally I don't mind, but sometimes I do. One of those days was the other day, and then I began thinking about what it would be like to add an infant into the mix, and I got really mad. Then couple that with the fact that I did feel pushed (did is the important word here), and it was like a boiling point. I let it out. I'm sorry that I did, but I think it's important sometimes to just let it out.
I also don't believe him when he says that if I do get pregnant, that he would do everything and be all over with doing dinners, laundry, etc.
The other think I've been worrying about is Ché. He's doing wonderfully. He's been in a great mood lately, spitting out words, sentences, etc., like never before. However, I worry about what life is going to be like for him if we do have our own child. I never think of Ché as anything but my child. I don't refer to him as my adopted child, or as my not-natural child. But when he's older, if we do have another child, I worry that he's going to feel left out, not good enough, so different that he can't cope.
I voiced this to Mike, and he agreed, and also brought up a good point.
In the adoption world, we don't fit in. We're both relatively young, we didn't do tons of fertility treatments before going to adoption, and we didn't already have children before adopting. Many families that have biological children have them first and then adopt later. Many families that adopt are older. Many families that adopt have done loads of fertility treatments and then adopt. You get the point. We are not the normal adoptive family. I know there are others like that, and even others that also have biological children after adopting. I really would like some insight here, what are your thoughts? What should we prepare for, do, etc.
I welcome any thoughts on these two topics: Having biological children post adoption, and getting Mike to be more helpful around the house.