Friday, January 29, 2010


So it's been awhile, and I have a lot of things rolling around in my head, but not enough time to actually get them out and post them.

One of the things that I've been thinking about is talking about being pregnant. In my office there are three of us that have recently had children, the other two ladies babies are approaching a year old. Of course this lends towards many conversations about babies and pregnancy.

For some reason I have a hard time saying the phrase "When I was pregnant..."
I don't know why, but I have some thoughts on why.
  1. It still feels surreal. I never thought I was going to be pregnant, let alone birth live children.
  2. Guilt. I feel extreme guilt for a couple of reasons:
    1. There are so many people out there that are still struggling to reach a pregnancy, let alone a live birth. People that are much older than I am, that have spent years, and thousands of dollars trying, and for us it worked on the first IVF cycle. Granted we spent a lot of time and money prior to that with other methods, but the fact that things worked on the first IVF cycle is amazing.
    2. My pregnancy was so easy, it's embarrassing. If some women knew how easy of a time I had, they'd shoot daggers at me out of their eyes, and breath fire on me.
  3. Time. Perhaps it just hasn't been long enough for me to put the pregnancy in perspective yet.
  4. Two. This goes along with the guilt, but we were lucky enough that we not only were able to get pregnant on the first IVF cycle, but that both of the eggs we had transplanted took, and survived through almost 34 weeks. Many women who have twin pregnancies deliver early and their babies spend so much time in the NICU and have problems, and we didn't encounter anything like that. The hardest thing we had to face was jaundice.
So I guess, I feel extremely blessed, lucky, and happy to be where we are. I feel like our family is complete, with Che and the girls, it just seems and feels so full and complete. Perhaps in time it will be easier to talk about being pregnant and giving birth, but who knows.

And of course, some gratuitous cuteness:
Every girl needs a good pair of "chucks"One sleep deprived family somewhere around Christmas time.


..Soo.See.. said...

I.totally.understand. I stopped blogging as much b/c I felt weird to blog about pregnancy when for so long it was about IF too. I would be on the daggar / fire recieving side w/ you b/c my pg and birth was just as 'easy' w/ the exception of modified bedrest at home. It still feels surreal. I still feel infertile, yet not. So I get it! But.. in all of it, don't let these days pass you by too quickly w/o FULLY taking in what you're going through w/ your girls and Che. :) And btw, your family is beautiful!

Alena said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


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Konrad said...

Don't feel guilty for your good fortune. You went through a lot to get to this point. You and Mike are good people, and you shouldn't feel guilty for your struggles paying off. I look forward to watching Che and the girls grow up. :)