Resplendent Quetzal

Argh.

2010-09-23T21:15:00.002-04:00

I was reading a fellow blogger's site, and she referenced this:

I've seen Sew Infertile comment on other blogs, and I think I'd even read some of her posts but didn't do so regularly. Her post entitled Abor.tion really just shocked me. I was raised Catholic and I don't agree with anything she says. I know, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but sometimes I just don't get people.

2010-09-10T16:24:00.006-04:00

It's been awhile. Something about 3 small children doesn't leave you a lot of time for blogging. Don't know why.

To update, Che is fast approaching 5 years old, and wants to talk about his birthday quite often. At this point he's thinking he wants a chocolate cake with peanut butter filling, and a Star

Wars Birthday. Of course he wants to be Luke Skywalker for Halloween too. He's very excited that he got to choose Lucy and Zoe's costumes as well (Leia and Yoda) Due to my mom being ever generous with her time we were able to take Che to the Shedd in August. He had a great time, and his favorite thing to watch was the big sea turtle in the middle aquarium. He really liked the 4-D penguin movie too.

Check out his awesome shades. (The claws lift up for a larger viewing area if necessary)

The weekend we were in Chicago was also the weekend of the air and water show, so as we were enjoying the beautiful weather outside on the Shedd Patio Che got to see the Blue Angels fly over downtown several times. It was the greatest, and free!

Lucy and Zoe are 8 months old, almost 9. Lucy is crawling on her tummy and has been seen pulling up on her knees and rocking. She is very independent and likes to feed herself, biter biscuits and gerber puffs. Zoe has two teeth on the bottom both coming in within a week of one another. She is sitting up like a champ and is still very laid back and happy (unless the teeth are bugging her)

The weather here has been wonderfully cool, to the point that we had to put an extra blanket on our bed, and the girls wore fleece sleepers a couple of nights. I love this time of year. It also meant that we got to get out some of the girls' new clothes that people got us as gifts, like these adorable sweatshirts:

And we get to accessorize with shoes...

And of course since there's never a dull moment in our house, the girls have come down with Hand Foot and Mouth (or so we think) It's a really mild case of just a few spots on the girls' hands and feet, and Che hasn't had anything... here's to hoping he doesn't come down with it too.

Eeek!

2010-06-13T20:42:00.005-04:00

I should post more, but we've been a bit busy. Lucy has decided that she wants a new hairstyle:

Zoe decided that she's going to be a baker when she grows up and therefore needed a new hat:

Of course Che and Daddy are as silly as ever:
Seriously, it has been busy, but we're enjoying almost all of it, I can't say that we enjoy the lessened sleep but we know someday that will be over and then we won't be able to get them up in the morning!

The girls have started on some "solid" food. So far they've wrapped their taste buds around apples, peas, carrots, and sweet potatoes. I think the sweet potatoes didn't go over well, as Lucy got a rash in places unmentionable so we've backed off of that for a bit. Lucy can now roll from front to back, and Zoe is still marveling at that idea. Zoe does enjoy playing peek-a-boo much more than Lucy. Lucy's new trick is to scoot while she's on her back, putting her backside up into the air and pushing with her legs. One day when she was in the living room playing on a blanket she was able to push herself about 4 feet in about 5 minutes. We're definitely going to have to keep our eye on her!

Che is doing the summer program at his school which includes water and bike days as well as regular days, so he's enjoying himself greatly. For bike day he just got a new bike from Craigslist with training wheels, so no more tricycle! He's also excited about going to the pool in Grandma and Grandpa's neighboorhood but it's been a bit rainy here making the water a bit cold.

Other than that we've just been busy with normal life, which keeps us hopping till 10 or so every night, leaving little time for blogging and the like!

Wow

2010-05-12T21:03:00.006-04:00

I really should post more often. Ooops.

I guess I owe some updates. The girls are now 4 1/2 months old and Che is 4. Eek, I can't believe it. The girls are sleeping mostly through the night, from about 10:30 to 5:30. They get up and fuss about for about an hour but then go back to sleep until about 8. They are drinking about 6 ounces a night, and we did give them rice cereal at 4 months 2 weeks. We tried it with a spoon, and Lucy did alright, but Zoe just keep spitting it out. We wanted to keep up with the cereal so we did the.worst. thing.ever. and put it in their bottles. Apparently you aren't supposed to do that, but we did anyway, and it's working fine. I think at 5 months we'll try some spoons again.

At four months Zoe weighed in at 10 lbs. 15 oz., and Lucy was 10 lbs. 9 oz. so they are growing well. Even though they are still small, they are growing with the curve that they have always been on, about the 10-15th percentile.

A few weeks ago we met up with a friend of Mike's from high school. She has twin boys who are adorable and we let the kids all play together. After all of that Che still said he'd like to have 10 babies at home! eek. That's a picture of all 4 twins up at the top!

Che is in preschool and enjoys it, although we think he's bored. We're considering sending him somewhere else, but we just don't know at this point. He doesn't bring home a lot of papers and doesn't ever have a lot to report, so we need to meet with the school and talk to the teachers for next year.

We've decided with Che that we're going to try and do something one-on-one with him each week. We're also going to try and put him to bed a half hour earlier. He's still really good with the girls, but he's had some acting out behaviors lately, that I think are from lack of attention.

I don't have any good pictures of him uploaded yet but I'll get some.

I know there's much more, but this will have to do for tonight!

2010-03-31T09:35:00.006-04:00

Everything in the Brueseke household has been going really well. We’re approaching somewhat of a routine, and things are normalizing. It helps that the girls are really good. They are both fairly laid back, although Lucy requires more attention and Zoe is just pretty darn snuggly. The wackiest thing is that we put Zoe down in her crib the normal way, parallel with the long sides of the crib and she wakes up parallel with the short ends. I don't know how she does it.

Now, both girls are swaddled in the wraps, and don’t have their arms out so how she does this is a mystery, but it’s almost a nightly occurrence. Both girls are also batting at toys, and I’m on a mission to find a toy that spins when you hit it that doesn’t play music. Why does everything have to make music or annoying noises when you hit it or play with it? I did find some, but they were $10 for the pack of two. In hindsight I should have just bought them regardless of the price. Now I have to back track and search for them. If anyone has any ideas for spinny type toys, I’d be glad to welcome suggestions.

Both girls staring at the Ocean Wonder Aquarium. It’s in Zoe’s bed. I secretly think that Lucy is jealous because it has the rolling toy that you hit and it spins.
Both girls also love laying on their tummies and would happily sleep that way were it acceptable.
We do let them nap like that for short periods of time….shhh don’t tell anyone!

Che is doing really well as a big brother. He hasn’t asked for them to leave, and generally loves having Lucy and Zoe around. He is helpful and always willing to feed them, or stick a pacifier back in.

This is Che and his cousin feeding the girls on a Friday when my Mom comes and watches them.
Of course not all of Che’s time is spent on baby care…

These are Che’s roller skates that he got for Christmas. We’ve been waiting that long to try them out. He was a pro. He even let go of my hand and skated on his own with no help. He only fell one time, after making it all the way from the back door to the mailbox across the street and then back.

I don't agree

2010-03-08T08:58:00.004-05:00

"It's very different from adopting," Paulson agreed. "Everyone would rather have a baby from their own egg and their husband's sperm, but if that's not possible, the next best thing after that is that you get pregnant with donor egg."

"With adoption you get to be a parent once the baby is born but with donor egg, you get to be a parent from the moment of conception," he added.

The mother bonds with the child by carrying it for nine months, said Silber, "and whatever question marks she may have had by it not having her DNA are erased by this bonding process."
Taken from this article:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/couple-twins-25-years-vitro-fertilization-ivf/story?id=9574779&page=1

I think you are a parent of an adopted child the first time you "meet" that child, be it through pictures, through a surrogate ultrasound, or in person. I know that with Ché we bonded with his picture, the reports that came telling us how he was doing, and progressing.

DNA and pregnancy do not make you a parent by any means.

SITM

2010-03-04T13:16:00.003-05:00

Finally getting around to this SITM post. It's been rattling around in my head for quite some time now, just haven't had a minute to sit down and type it out.

The SITM topic for Winter 2010 is to reflect on the ways that the blogging community provided support for us personally in regards to infertility in 2009.

Here's our long story:

In 2001, when I was 19 years old, on my way home from a wedding in Philadelphia I had severe abdominal pain on my right side. Thinking it was appendicitis our whole two car caravan stopped in Ohio somewhere about 5 hours from home at an emergency room. After many hours in the ER we found out that I had an ovarian cyst on my right ovary and they sent me on my way with pain meds and orders to see a gynecologist at home. I had never been to an OB/GYN before, so it was a scary ordeal. I remember vividly thinking that my then boyfriend would hightail it out of the relationship as soon as he dropped us off at home. As I found out later, my mom even talked to him about this and that no one would think any worse of him if he didn’t want to continue the relationship. Of course this is the last thing Mike would have done.

After I finished my spring semester of college, I had surgery, to remove the cyst. Before going under the OB/GYN told me that it was going to be laparoscopic, quick and easy. When I woke up I had searing pain across my whole abdomen. Come to find out the cyst, which was the size of a coke can had wrapped itself around my fallopian tube so doing a small surgery wasn’t possible. I walked out of the hospital with a nice c-section size scar, 1 less fallopian tube, and low risk malignancy spots. Even though I was only 20 at the time of the surgery I made sure I asked the OB/GYN if this would cause problems later on when I wanted to have children. The answer I received was absolutely not. Being so trusting of doctors like I always have been, I believed her. By this time Mike and I were engaged and planning a 2004 wedding.

That summer we talked a lot about having kids, and wedding things, etc. We had three years until we were going to get married, it would give me time to finish school, and get my student teaching done. Mike is 4 years older than me so he would be 26 when we got married, and I would be 22. It seemed like a sensible idea. The surgery really changed things, and we decided to move the wedding up a year, giving us a jump start on having children, and make it so I was a year younger when trying to have children. We got married in October 2003, in the midst of my student teaching.

We waited until summer of the next year if I remember correctly to try getting pregnant. Knowing that I only have one tube that it could take a little longer, but we had our spirits up. Naïve and unknowing we tried for a few months. Around September, 2 years after the surgery we went back to the OB/GYN (the same one) and started talking about ways to help us get pregnant. We started on clomid in December which coincided with my first ever airplane trip with my in-laws to California. It was an interesting trip to say the least, being sick on the Clomid, timing sex in the hotel room next to my in-laws and trying to be up-beat at the wedding that we were attending and dealing with my father-in-laws erratic driving on the California highways.

We did this for a few months, and then moved on to Femara. Each time I produced several eggs, but never any big enough. The triggering injections, U/S’s, and blood work were awful to a person like me that almost threw up every time she saw a needle. At the time I trusted the doctor completely, didn’t do any of my own research and followed everything she said. We also did the HSG and found that I didn’t have any blockages.In February of 2005 the OB/GYN told us that she felt our only chance of success was to do IVF. She went on to say that it normally only works the 2nd time, and that IUI’s weren’t going to do it for us. My husband who had been doing research on his own asked about PCOS. The OB/GYN very quickly brushed us off, saying that she didn’t believe that to be the case for us, and didn’t even give us any chance to talk about it. We told her we would think about the IVF and let her know. I was 23 years old, and the prospect of that big of a voluntary medical procedure really scared me.

Both Mike and I talked a little about it, but it wasn’t something we were willing to spend the money on. It was around $10,000 a try, and 2 tries meant $20,000. We decided at that time that we would rather take the money and adopt. We both have cousins in our families that are adopted, and it was something that we had talked about early in our journey through infertility.
We set down the path of adoption in 2005, researching agencies, and types of adoptions. We decided on international adoption because we weren’t comfortable with an open adoption, and I wasn’t old enough to adopt locally given the international adoption age was 25. We chose Guatemala for a few reasons including that they would accept us because I was young, that they had private foster care for the children, and had babies as young as five months coming home. One of the parts of an international adoption is the huge amount of paperwork including a full physical. I hadn’t been to a regular doctor in quite a few years, so I switched to Mike’s doctor. He did a full workup including blood work, EKG, etc. After the results came back he called and talked to us, saying that he believed that I had PCOS, and prescribed glucophage, a cholesterol medicine and talked with us about losing some weight. Of course I was really upset at the OB/GYN, knowing that we asked and were dismissed. I never went back to her again.
We continued forward with our adoption, turning in all of our paperwork in February and in March received a referral for our son, then 5 months old. He came home to us in December 2006, 18 months after signing up with our agency. It was the best decision we ever made, and we couldn’t have been happier.

Two years later, we thought again about expanding our family, not wanting our then nearly 3 year old son to grow up being an only child.

I chose a different OB/GYN and went in for a consult, and annual exam. Coincidentally the new OB/GYN had just started a partnership with Dr. Jarrett, an RE in Indianapolis. No one in South Bend does infertility treatment beyond clomid type stuff because there isn’t a market for it. We met with Dr. Jarrett in Jan. 2008. He told me to lose 30 lbs., and come to see him in 3 months when that was done. We found that Dr. Jarrett had a strange bedside matter but he was at least willing to talk to us and help. After we told him about the history he was shocked that the previous OB/GYN dismissed the PCOS, and that she even attempted clomid.

I thought it was pretty much a lost cause, 30 lbs in 3 months. I knew it was going to be awful, but I stopped cold turkey on the carbs like he said and the weight flew off. In March I remember being extremely nervous to talk to him again because I had only lost 26 lbs. He was happy with that and we started again, on pills that I don’t even remember at this point. I again responded find with the number of eggs, but not the size. In the late summer or fall of that year we started on injectible drugs, which was a big deal given my deep hatred towards needles. I did better on the injectible drugs, but still never achieved a pregnancy.

On May 18, 2008, I lost my Dad to liver cancer and so Mike and I took some time off. I just knew I couldn’t go through with things at that point given the stress, etc.

In September 2008, I had laparoscopic surgery in to remove scar tissue from the first surgery I had, and to make sure there were no blockages, etc.

In December 2008, we drove to Indy, about 3 hours from us to talk to Dr. Jarret about our prospects and the probability of us actually achieving a pregnancy. He suggested also doing IVF. I said No right away, but Mike didn’t. He wanted to try it. Dr. Jarrett agreed to give us as much of the meds as he could, and to discount the surgeries as much as he could. I still said No. His advice to us was to think it over and call him when we had both come to the same decision. He also told us that he believed our chances to be over 65% on the first try, give that I was only 27 at the time. I knew that I couldn’t take much more disappointment, let alone the financial burden it was going to put on us. It wasn’t until March of 2009 that we called him back, agreeing to do the IVF. I’m not sure what changed my mind, knowing the amount of money we were going to spend and the amount of heartache that we could be facing. My mom agreed to help us financially with some of the money my Dad had left from insurance policies. She said it was exactly what he would have wanted the money going for, so she gladly helped us out. We refinanced, found another loan, and added to our already little mountain of debt to try IVF. Mike and I both agreed we would do it one time, and if things didn’t work out, we’d be done, and enjoy our life as a family of three.

We didn't agree to IVF until 2009, which is when I really started reading through IVF/Infertility blogs. I stumbled across this blog: She really became inspirational for me in many ways. Reading about her IVF success, and the subsequently about the birth of the boys, and following and getting advice for our twins, born on 12/18/09.

We began the process, had a retrieval in April, and the transfer on May 5, a Sunday. We had 7 eggs removed from one side, and because the other ovary just hangs out from not being connected, they couldn’t get to it to pull any from that side. Over the course of the 5 days that we waited, 5 fertilized, and only 2 made it to the proper size to be transferred. The transfer on May 5th, was a bit anticlimactic, and I had the gut feeling that things did not work on the way home. I was convinced that we were going to be a family of three and was working on making peace with that decision.

The day before our HCG check Mike left for a conference, so I decided to do a home pregnancy test, even though it was a bit early. It came up positive and I remember so carefully carrying it to our bedroom because I had done it without Mike knowing, in case it was negative because then I wouldn’t have to tell him. He was cautiously optimistic and we told no one.The next day was the HCG and also the one year anniversary of my Dad’s passing. Needless to say it was bittersweet when the lab called with our results, a positive HCG, with a reading of over 200. I thought it was a bit high, but no one else did. The repeat number showed over 500 so the numbers were more than doubling.

A 6 week ultrasound was scheduled and so we just waited some more. In June, we found out that I was carrying twins. Both eggs had taken and both embryos showed good heartbeats and were measuring ahead. I was scared out of my mind and so was Mike. I was convinced that something would happen that we would lose one or both of the twins.

Fortunately nothing went wrong until October when I was put on leave early because of high blood pressure and swelling. The girls decided to come early, on December 18, 2009.
It’s been an emotional roller coaster, lasting nearly 8 years, and even though I had success, and have three beautiful children now, I will always consider myself infertile and I know I will never forget the pain that comes along with it.

During the process I read through many blogs related to IVF/Infertility, but one that I really started paying a lot of attention to was: Soo See
I read with fascination throughout her pregnancy, later comparing it to mine, and now read through as a guide to what to expect out of our own twins!

Having a community of people to go to and ask questions, or just read through success or failure really helped get me through an extended leave, and now I still keep track, rooting for people who I have no idea who they are. It's become a way for me to connect to others that have issues like me, without having to shout from the rooftops, or wear a sign saying "I'm infertile!" Hopefully someday, we'll all be able to get past the idea that infertility means something is wrong with us, but for now, at least we all have one another to get through it!

The one thing I learned to prepare for next year is to start knitting the socks early. There was no way I could get the socks done for my buddy, so I had to buy some handmade ones instead.

My SITM buddy for 2010 is Ali She recently lost her dad, so go give her some support! (I can't tell you how excited I was to receive a package all the way from the UK)

I will post my sock pictures soon!

SITM

2010-02-26T07:41:00.001-05:00

Ok, I'm a slacker, but I've been really busy. I promise I'll get that post up soon!

2 months

2010-02-17T10:27:00.003-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day a little late...

At two months old, both girls can lift their heads, and spend much of their awake time watching everything that is going on. Zoe is particularly smitten with Ché. She smiles for him, and calms down when he plays with her (this is especially helpful during diaper changes)

Both girls are drinking more than 4 ounces at a setting normally, and sleeping more than four hours at a time, Hooray! Last night we even had a 7 hour. It was heavenly.

Zoe has started to pick herself up at the waist if you're holding her, or if she's sitting in the highchair/bouncy seat. It's quite disturbing to think she's doing that this early. She doesn't hold it long, but she can bend and get herself into a more upright position if she wants.

Ché is the greatest big brother, a little too handsy at times, but doing well. He always wants to make sure the girls are alright, and tells anyone else what they are doing wrong/right when caring for the girls. It is a bit bossy though so we're trying to curtail that behavior. He loves them dearly, has to say good-bye to them when he leaves, goodnight at bedtime, and good morning everyday. It's so nice to have this large gap between our kids, because he is capable of helping and understanding what's going on, and that sometimes we can't drop everything to give into his desires.

We're definitly working on the balance between baby care and preschooler play.

Wow

2010-01-29T19:05:00.005-05:00

So it's been awhile, and I have a lot of things rolling around in my head, but not enough time to actually get them out and post them.

One of the things that I've been thinking about is talking about being pregnant. In my office there are three of us that have recently had children, the other two ladies babies are approaching a year old. Of course this lends towards many conversations about babies and pregnancy.

For some reason I have a hard time saying the phrase "When I was pregnant..."
I don't know why, but I have some thoughts on why.

It still feels surreal. I never thought I was going to be pregnant, let alone birth live children.
Guilt. I feel extreme guilt for a couple of reasons:

There are so many people out there that are still struggling to reach a pregnancy, let alone a live birth. People that are much older than I am, that have spent years, and thousands of dollars trying, and for us it worked on the first IVF cycle. Granted we spent a lot of time and money prior to that with other methods, but the fact that things worked on the first IVF cycle is amazing.
My pregnancy was so easy, it's embarrassing. If some women knew how easy of a time I had, they'd shoot daggers at me out of their eyes, and breath fire on me.

Time. Perhaps it just hasn't been long enough for me to put the pregnancy in perspective yet.
Two. This goes along with the guilt, but we were lucky enough that we not only were able to get pregnant on the first IVF cycle, but that both of the eggs we had transplanted took, and survived through almost 34 weeks. Many women who have twin pregnancies deliver early and their babies spend so much time in the NICU and have problems, and we didn't encounter anything like that. The hardest thing we had to face was jaundice.

So I guess, I feel extremely blessed, lucky, and happy to be where we are. I feel like our family is complete, with Che and the girls, it just seems and feels so full and complete. Perhaps in time it will be easier to talk about being pregnant and giving birth, but who knows.

And of course, some gratuitous cuteness:

Every girl needs a good pair of "chucks"One sleep deprived family somewhere around Christmas time.

I know it's strange

2010-01-11T23:56:00.002-05:00

but for some reason this meant something to me and I decided to participate.

Sock-it-to-Me.

I guess i remember not so fondly all the time spent staring at my own socks as we battled to get the twins here, and perhaps staring at fun socks would have helped ease the nervousness, edginess, exhaustion, etc., at least some.

Some pictures to hold you over

2009-12-28T20:41:00.004-05:00

Till I have the brain to write more.

Zoe on the right, Lucy on the left

Lucy

Zoe on the left, Lucy on the right

Lucy

One proud big brother

Some Clarification...

2009-12-23T19:52:00.002-05:00

I realize my last post was a bit negative, and I should clarify. I wrote that as I was alone for the first time with sole responsibility for both girls. I'm the one that sent Mike home to get some sleep. I had a "Parent Room" at the hospital which meant that the girls had caretakers but I didn't. I wasn't sure how far their care overlapped and where the line was drawn. Thankfully about and hour and a half after posting the new nurse came in and explained that, and was very helpful. There was only 1 nurse that I found unhelpful the entire time we stayed at the hospital, and in fact all of the rest were great....

I guess that' s what I get for posting in a hormone filled, sleep reduced state.
Oh well.

Makin' a liar out of me!

2009-12-21T20:31:00.004-05:00

I thought we were going home today, but I was wrong.

This morning I was released from the hospital, given my prescriptions, told Good luck and that was that. The thought was that when the girls' doctor came by he would check them out and release them, allowing us to all go home. Boy we were all wrong.

After the girls' doctor came by he checked them out, told us that both girls had regained an ounce and that they looked good. He left then and we thought he would sign the paperwork to come home. The nurse of the day came by to then tell us that the girls were not being released and had do something with the "billies." She did not explain what this was, and we had no idea. After some questions we found out that the girls have jaundice, and had to have a blood test done. So, because I was feeding Zoe, they took Lucy back to the nursery to draw blood for her test. After I was done with Zoe, she was whisked off to have the test done too. In the meantime we learned that the Dr. wanted the girls to be eating 1 to 1 1/2 ounces at each feeding. We knew this was going to be difficult because Lucy was no longer latching on as nicely, and was trying to sleep through feedings. We also had to make the decision on whether or not we were going to stay in a "parent room," or go home.

We decided to stay in a parent room, which is the same room we've been in but that we don't get meals, and medications. So, leaving the girls in the nursery, Mike and I went home, took some of our things that had accumulated here home, then picked up more things, went to CVS to have the prescription for percoset filled and pick up some other things. Of course, since the percoset is the drug I can take anytime, the system was down and the pharmacy couldn't fill it while we were there. The thought was that Mike would run back out and get it later, so we went back to the hospital.

Once back to the hospital we checked on the girls, learned that Zoe had to go under the "lights" and that Lucy just needed to pick up on her eating. The nurse on duty during that time barely gave us a moment to get things back together in the room, then she wheeled Zoe in with all these different machines to light her up. She did not explain things very well to us about what the machines do, and how they are helping the situation, but did just leave her here with us. Eventually Mike and I figured out what to do to keep her from rolling off of the bottom light, how to somewhat keep her eye mask on, and what settings to put the lights on. (Yes, amazingly, the nurse did not check what settings the lights needed to be on, and did not think about how best to keep her from rolling around, causing someone to reposition her every 5-7 minutes)

So, we learned that when we feed Zoe we have to take the portable light with us to feed her, then put her back as soon as she is done under both lights. Lucy was then brought in quickly after Zoe and we were told she needed to feed her in the next 10 minutes, so we rushed to get that all ready since I had just pumped and did not have any milk to breastfeed. At this point Lucy was starting to feed but wouldn't wake up enough to take the bottle, so I went down and asked the aforementioned nurse to please help us figure out how to keep her awake and show us some tricks to help her eat effectively since she had to get an ounce or more down. She came in, got a call, left, then came back but was not helpful at all in giving any advice. We did the best we could then handed her over to the nursery where they were able to get her to eat some more.

This continued at the next feeding too. Zoe got to come out from under her blue light, but stayed on her greenlight and ate an ounce of breastmilk/formula mixture. Lucy continued giving us trouble so after Nana, Mike, and I both gave it a try over a half hour period of time, Mike took her down to the nursery and asked someone to please show him what to do. I'm not sure who talked to him, but basically gave him one trick to try and so we added that to our growing "bag o tricks," and were able to get her to eat an ounce too.

So, then visiting hours were over and Nana had to go home. I encouraged Mike to go home, even though I didn't really want him too, but honestly we shouldn't both have to stay here for another night of no sleep for either of us, and so he went home too. Before leaving he called the pharmacy with the intention of picking up the percoset and dropping it off. Of course, it isn't done and most likely will not be done till tomorrow, leaving me with the only option for pain control as ibuprofen that I can only take every 4-6 hours, preferably 6, not 4.

At this time, both girls are sleeping, Lucy peacefully in her unadorned crib, and Zoe in her eye mask and glowing bed.

Sigh, hopefully we'll get some more answers tomorrow, and will be able to head home. I've loved all the help we've gotten here at the hospital, and though the nurse we had today left a bit to be desired, all of the others have been great. Now that the shift changed at 7 though, I haven't seen a nurse at all, and am left entirely on my own. I feel like I can't ask them for help because I'm not technically "here," and I know that I will ask for the girls, but there's nothing that can be done for me. I don't think I've ever felt so alone, or so abandoned before, but I know that we'll get through it as best as we can and hopefully tomorrow we'll be able to all head home and get in to our own routine.

The Whole Story

2009-12-19T11:36:00.010-05:00

I really didn't jump on a pogo stick, or do jumping jacks in secret, like my husband tends to think. However I did get my wish, and Lucy and Zoe entered the world on Friday, December 18, 2009.

Luckily everything worked out alright, someone was definitely looking out for us, and I'm pretty sure I know who. Che was as usual on Thursday night at Nana's house, he went to bed at 6:45 after an exhausting all day Christmas party at school. Mike and I went to Gino's, and even took the time to wait for the deep dish sausage pizza (Mike is a big fan of the wheel 'o sausage). We got home about 8 o'clock, and took our customary places on the couch to watch some Thursday night football. We discussed names, and being that at my appointment earlier that day I was 3 centimeters dilated, were really trying to be serious this time. As is normal, we went to bed, me with what seemed like 3,000 pillows, and Mike, probably hoping I didn't snore the night away thus forcing him to the couch.

At 6:45 I woke up for the 2nd trip to the bathroom, and when I came back to bed, couldn't fall asleep because Miss Unknown at the time had decided a nerve that makes my hands fall asleep was a great place to lay. Mike got up to take a shower and get ready for work at about 7:30, and I heard the water running in the tub. I attempted to move, and my water broke. Since the tub water was running when I yelled out Mike didn't hear me, so I very gingerly waddled my way back to the bathroom to let Mike know who was out of the shower. I don't think I've ever seen him move so fast.

After a few minutes we both calmed down (although I don't think I ever got nusty, but I could be wrong) and took showers, gathered the few last minute things, and made some calls. We made it to the hospital by 8:30, and were taken into a triage room, where I explained that we were scheduled for a c-section on January 8, 2010, and that this was the route I still wanted to go. Not but a half hour into our stay, but my Mom showed up, very excited of course! It is of note to say that I did not have any contractions..., but we'll leave it at that because I don't want every other woman in the world to hate me.

After some tests, and an IV we were getting instructions on what the c-section would entail, and that we would pry go in about 30 minutes. This is where unfortunately it got interesting. About 10 to 10 my mom started crying, and put her head between her legs. We all asked if she was alright, and to my surprise she actually said no, that she had pain radiating in her arms, was short of breath, etc. So, she was promptly taken down to the ER here at the hospital, put on an EKG and checked out. She then had to have a catheter placed to check out her heart, through her arm I believe. She was taken to the heart floor here at the hospital, and diagnosed with "Broken Heart Syndrome." As of Saturday the cardiologist has released her, saying that her heart is weak, but with treatment she will recover. Unfortunately, the psychologist has not released her yet, but may do so tomorrow (Sunday.) She was understandably upset and kept apologizing for screwing things up, etc. She didn't of course. At this time she has been able to come up and meet the girls and was very happy to have done so.

The wonderful staff here at the hospital was very accommodating, allowing us to push back the time our c-section was supposed to happen and getting as many updates as we could about Mom. As soon as I felt that she was alright, I gave the go ahead to get going on our end. I have no idea what Mike did while I went back and had the spinal block placed. I have to say that the bee sting feeling of the numbing needle is spot on, and while the placement of the rest isn't painful, you do feel it going on and moving around. The heat and tingliness that follows is definitely something that while they told me about, I wasn't prepared for at all. I was all ready to go, and then the anesthesiologist told me that they had already started, so after I actually spent time listening to what was going on, I could hear cutting and instruments. Mike came in shortly after they had started, and he to my surprise watched a lot of the actual surgery, commenting on my uterus, and ovaries, and the babies "beautiful" umbilical cords along the way. I was not prepared for the play-by-play, but in hindsight glad it was there.

After a few minutes, I have no idea how many, but not a terribly long time, Lucy Ann debuted at 11:04, weighing in at 5lbs. 5oz., and was 19 inches long. She was the baby that was at the bottom in utero, so I'm sure she appreciated getting out of there, since she was no longer being squished. He sister, Zoe Lynn, followed close behind a 11:06, weighing in at 5 lbs., 9oz. and was 18 1/4 inches long. Sometime during Zoe's delivery the doctor said something to the effect of "No you can't go back in there." Both started crying very soon after coming into this world, and sounded really great. Neither had trouble breathing to my knowledge, or received oxygen. They spent some time in the heaters, and then were released to us, with no stay in the NICU.

During this time I was "put back together" and Mike was able to float between all the girls to take pictures and give me updates. We were then wheeled to recovery, where the girls continued to do well, and I started to come out of the anesthesia.

I have to say that the c-section was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. When I was by myself getting prepped I was having second thoughts about doing things this way, however I knew that at that point there was no turning back, so did my best to suck it up and go with the flow.

During recovery the nurses asked if I wanted to nurse, and while it's something we had talked about we had not made it such a priority that we were dead set on doing so. I felt that if it worked, great, if not we would formula feed with no regrets. I did not think that things would work out well since the girls were born at 34 weeks 5 days, technically preemies, and could have difficulty sucking, however we underestimated the tough little cookies, who latched on right away for about 8-10 minutes.

At this time, both girls are still doing well at feeding, sleeping, and being exceptionally cute, although I know I'm biased. Zoe has a very round face and even personality, she either wants to be nursing, held, or sleeping, with or without a pacifier. Lucy has a bit more temperamental personality, but is still fairly easy going. She is the one that tends to fuss more, however is easily calmed and is just a bit more needy. Zoe's hair tends to lay down nice, and Lucy's stands up on end. I think that Zoe has more of my face, while Lucy has Mike's thinner face.

This has gotten extremely long, so I'll end it with a picture, and be done!

Too smart

2009-12-14T10:59:00.004-05:00

for his own good.

Yesterday, Sunday, my family had it's big Christmas. It's an annual event, and given that most of us live in town there are usually near or over 50 people that attend. We all bring a dish to share, play some games, and Santa makes an appearance to hand out gifts to the kids. This has been going on for quite some time, originally starting at my Great-Grandmother's home, where she sat everyone down in her very small living room and dining room, and then it moved to her basement as the family grew. Eventually, after she passed away, it was traded around to different family member's homes, until it got so large that no one could host it anymore. Now we rent the hall of our family church, where there is much more room, and no one has to worry about readying their house for such an event.

Yesterday, Ché was super excited to go to the party. He really likes to play with his cousins and was eager to see Santa. (We haven't ventured to the mall yet.) So, he ate a pretty good lunch, and then we sat and waited for Santa, singing carols. Santa used to be played by someone in the family, but the older kids could always figure it out, and would blurt out who it was, thoroughly confusing the little ones that for the most part really thought that Santa was coming to their party. So in recent years whomever is hosting has to find a Santa outside of the family. This year, it was a lady. We all knew it before she came, but thought nothing of it. Ché was so excited when she walked in the door, that he ran off of my lap to give "Santa" a big leg hug. He came and sat back down. Santa passed out presents, did his/her thing, and then was gone.

The rest of the afternoon was fine, Ché played bingo, ate more cookies, and then it was time to go. On the way home however Ché says out of the blue, "Santa was a lady." Before I had time to respond, he continued by saying, "I think it was his Mama, helping him out." So we agreed, saying that Santa is busy this time of year, and that he has to have helpers since he can't do everything himself, and that Ché was probably right, his Mama was helping him out. Because after all, what mother wouldn't help their son?

Sigh.

2009-12-08T09:50:00.001-05:00

I know it's good news, but honestly, I wanted to kick the doctor yesterday for telling me that I'll pry go to 37 weeks. That's in January people. January. If you've not seen me lately, then perhaps you don't understand the gravity of that thought. I don't know where, or how I can get any bigger with these babies. I know, every day counts, and the longer they stay the better, but damn. 4 more weeks? Seriously? And of course he says: "Don't be alarmed if you start having some contractions every now and then."

I hadn't had any. Until yesterday when he told me that I would pry have some. Thanks a lot. I had three.

January, I mean really. There goes my tax break for '09.

Hair!

2009-11-23T14:44:00.006-05:00

The beauty of having twins is that almost every appointment means you have an ultrasound to check heartbeats.
Today was no exception. I went in and the ultrasound tech, who we know on a first name basis since we've seen her soooo many times do a few more pictures and pointed out a few more things. Both the girls' heart rates were good, one at 144 the other at 142. She then did a few quick pictures, and pointed out this:

No, it's not the best picture, but all that fuzzy stuff sticking out in the middle of nowhere with the arrow pointing to it is hair. The other baby though... totally bald, no hair anywhere in sight!

Happy Birthday Che!

2009-11-18T15:37:00.003-05:00

Today, Che is four. He told me this morning that he feels older and bigger today. ha!

This is also nearly three years that he has been here, home with Mike and I.

We've definitely seen some changes in the last three years. We've gone from this googly eyed 13 month old:

To a pre-schooler:

He's not even a toddler anymore!

We've learned a lot along the way, and I can't imagine what the next year is going to bring. It's going to be changes for sure!

Home

2009-10-24T12:56:00.003-04:00

I guess I really was doing too much around the house.

Over the weekend my cankles grew to epic proportions. 11 1/2 inches around to be exact. And, they didn't go back down for a few days. So I called in to say on Thursday afternoon saying something doesn't seem right. I made the call at 1:30, and had an appointment at 2:15. So I left work on Friday afternoon and headed into the doctor. They took blood pressure, which a bit higher wasn't terrible (142/86, trust me I've had higher throughout this pregnancy), and the doctor came in with the famous words, "You're not going to like what I have to tell you." She placed me on maternity leave that day, with an appt. the next day to go over some test results.

I then got a nice bloodwork paper and headed across the street for a poke. Depending on what happened with the bloodwork I was either going to be sent home, or to the hospital for bedrest.
It was a very strained evening to say the least, I didn't sleep very much, and so I got up the next morning and at my appointment my blood pressure was 120/60, and all of my bloodwork came back within the normal range, meaning I'm not near preclampsia at this point. I'm still on maternity leave, and supposed to take it very easy. It's only been 2 days and I'm already finding that very difficult. Hopefully by not working anymore and taking it easy at home, I'll be able to avoid bedrest and an early delivery. Because even though we're past the point of viability, I sure don't want to have these little girls this early. After Christmas would be a much better option.

So, because I know everyone loves pictures, here are the cankles at their greatest:

And, if you get bored in the next 12 or so weeks, I'll be around...

H1N1

2009-10-20T10:21:00.003-04:00

With Mike gone I'm doing too much around the house, causing great soreness and exhaustion, so in order to "recharge" for the rest of the week, and avoid any adverse affects (i.e. bedrest) I've decided to take a day off.

With my day off I plan to sit and watch TV, knit, and nap, but not necessarily in that order. So this morning, since I couldn't sleep anymore anyway, I went down to our county health department and received my dose of the H1N1 vaccine. I debated getting it for a really long time, but in the end when several DCS workers that I frequently have contact with came down with H1N1, and then the detention center sent out a memo that there was an outbreak, I decided I'd better get it done.

I've never had a seasonal flu shot until this year, and honestly we worked too hard to get this far to not protect at least myself. I'm also hoping that by me getting it it will lessen the chances for Mike and Che, since they aren't around as many people on a daily basis.

So, now hopefully with a full day of rest, I'll be ready to go tomorrow, back to work and back to finish out the week without Mike home. We'll see how well it all works out. It's been interesting so far and he's only been gone for 4 days.

Post it note kicker

2009-10-16T15:26:00.001-04:00

So 5 minutes ago at about 3:20, I'm sitting at my desk, quietly reading through paperwork, when I get kicked. I enjoy it, and it seems rather hard so I watch my belly, sure enough, hard enough to actually see.

So I thought hey, why not, and put a pad of post it notes right where the kicks were. Those suckers got kicked right off and landed on the floor.

Secret Belly Pics

2009-10-16T08:47:00.002-04:00

Che was invited to his first birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese this past week. To be honest, we were skeptical, but the last time I remember being in that place it was dark, and dirty, so that was my memory from oh, about 20 years ago (eek, that makes me feel old)

Anyway, the party was on a Tuesday evening, which I have to say is genius. There were about 15 kids in the whole place, and it was great, no pushing, and wildness. In face the games Che wanted to play were available and he could just walk up and do them.

The birthday boys mom, a good friend of ours, was able to take some pictures of the festivities. This is at the end of the Birthday Show, where they randomly toss out a bunch of single tickets for the kids to scramble and pick up. Being that these little guys are only 4, they didn't get the significance of picking up the tickets, but boy did they enjoy the confetti like effect.

Here's Che playing a toddler style car racing game. There were no other cars to race against, just yourself, and you followed arrows along the path. He really enjoyed it and did quite well, although most of the time he did not push the gas pedal and just let the little car putter along.

And this was one we first got there. Che was mesmerized by the animitronic Chuck E. and Friends band, and there were TV's to watch. Needless to say, I don't think much got eaten at that end of the table.

Of course, unbeknown to me, I ended up in two of these pictures, so there are belly pictures that exist. It's honestly bigger than I thought, but than I only see it from the top. We used to have a full length mirror in our house, but when Che moved upstairs, the door it was on got taken down. This has led to a lot less awareness of how things are progressing.

On another note, speaking of things progressing, we are past the point of viability, meaning that if something happened there is a 90% chance that the babies would survive. Also progressing is the size of my cankles. If you have any idea what the next naming would be after cankle I could really use your help. I truly believe that they have grown beyond that name, and need something new.

Baby Boxing

2009-10-07T14:41:00.004-04:00

The Baby boxing has been happening every day, between 2 and 3 pm. It's neat, and amazing, but sometimes annoying. I hate admitting that, but getting kicked and punched at four different areas can get mildly uncomfortable to say the least. But it means that they're in there and being feisty, so in the big scheme of things, it's great!

Mish Mash

2009-10-02T08:50:00.004-04:00

Today is just a mish mash of the randomness I've been throwing around in my mind lately.

On Sunday, the 4th, we will be at 24 weeks. That's the point of viability in the US, so I know that we've at least made it to a point that if something bad happened, we may still walk away with a baby or babies. Now, nothing has happened, I've done extremely well and this has been really easy (*knock on wood*) I don't talk about that alot, because I don't want to feel the wrath of all the women that have dealt with terrible morning sickness, bedrest, etc.
So far the only things that have really bothered me are moderately swollen ankles and feet, legs that fall asleep alot, and fatigue. I'm still able to get up on my own (not out of the couch though), put on my own shoes, cook, etc.

One of the things that I've struggled most with throughout this pregnancy though is weight. When Mike and I first met with Dr. Jarrett in January of 2008, he told us to call him back in three months after I lost weight. Ideally 30 pounds. I did, and it was great, and I felt great. Then came the rounds and rounds of fertility meds, with the wonderful side effect of: weight gain! Yippee. I did my best and tried not to gain back the 30 pounds that I worked so hard to take off in Jan., but some of it did come back. By the time the decision was made for IVF (in Jan. 2009) I had gained about 15 pounds back. I think the stress of the situation and the side effect of the drugs doesn't make for a great situation, but I did the best I could.

So when early on in the pregnancy when I lost those 15 pounds again I almost felt better, but not really, because I knew that wasn't good. At this point though I've only gained 7 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I struggle at 9 pm when I'm hungry, knowing full well that I should eat something, anything really, but there the little nagging voice in the back of my mind saying "You shouldn't eat after 7", and "Don't gain any weight." I think after struggling with weight for so long, and then knowing that this may have contributed in some part to our infertility struggles (not all, as a side effect of PCOS is being overweight) it's just been a struggle.

The average weight for a pregnant women to gain in 45-65 pounds and quite frankly, that scares the crap out of me.
But I guess things could be worse, I could be struggling with other issues, so for now I'm going to try my best to not think twice when I eat after 9pm, and not cringe when I down the 3rd mini-snickers of the day...

On a positive note, the kicking has gotten so strong that Mike finally felt it, and I have to say the look on his face was priceless. Yesterday it was so strong I could see my whole stomach moving, and that makes it worth it to try and not feel guilty about the weight gain. I've also notice that they "fight back" when I poke them around through my stomach, which makes me laugh, because at least I know they're feisty!

And, tomorrow Ché will be attending the sibling class at our hospital. It's designed for kids ages 3-7 to learn about what it will be like to have a new baby at home, and ways they can help. They'll also get to go on a tour and see the nursery. I'm so glad that our area offers things like this as it really helps Ché to be fully prepared for big changes.

Cool things this week

2009-09-23T10:41:00.004-04:00

Your babies' hands have grown bigger and stronger and the nerve endings in her fingers have developed her sense of touch. She's in there testing out her new found abilities by touching her face and grabbing the umbilical cord. Other cool developments:

You're already raising little Einsteins. Your babies' brain are developing at a clip this week and will continue to do so until they're five years old.

Babies' hair is now a short, bright white crop (Billy Idol, eat your heart out!). No matter what color it will end up—red, blonde, black—all babies' hair lacks pigment at this point. (If they're like me, it will stay that way for at least another year...)

Your babies have started growing taste buds and may be able to detect strong flavors in the amniotic fluid. If you could see inside, you might catch her sticking out her tongue for a taste and then grimacing, a sign that perhaps you should chill on the chili powder. (Haven't seemed to mind the spicy food I eat on a daily basis...)

Your babies now weighs almost a pound and measures almost 11 inches from her head to their heel, which is how the Stretch Armstrong in your uterus will be measured from here on out. Up 'til now your babies' legs were curled tight up against her torso, so she was measured from her head to her bottom (or crown to rump) and not head to toe. This week your mini is about as long as a package of Oreos and as heavy as a large bag of tortilla chips.

Healthy

2009-09-11T15:54:00.002-04:00

My mom, Mike and I went to the big ultrasound yesterday. This is the one where you get to so comfortably lay on your back for extended periods of time feeling your legs falling asleep while they measure and make sure your little person, or in our case persons, are growing well.

I admit to being very nervous before going in. We hadn't seen anyone OB related in nearly 6 weeks, and although I do feel little movements every now and then there were times were I didn't' feel them for days. I haven't gained a ton of weight, which made me nervous that I'm not doing something right, and quite frankly, you just don't know what's going on in there.

So, We go in and as soon as the wand is firmly placed we see two jiggling babies. I immediately felt much better. They are laying sideways, one on top of the other, and so the tech started with the baby on the bottom. Baby "B," measuring the head, abdomen, and femur bone, and one ventricle in the brain. Baby "B's" measurements put leg length at 21 weeks 5 days, which is nearly a week and a half larger than the actual time I am (20 weeks) and all of the measurements combined mean that Baby "B" weighs approximately 12 ounces. The tech then moved onto the top baby, or Baby "A." who apparently had more room and was a bit more cooperative. The same measurements were done, and again leg length was measuring at 21 weeks 6 days, and the measurements combined meant that the weight was 13 ounces.

After some Dr. Google research we found that normally at 20 weeks a baby weighs 10.58 ounces, so we have chunkos, which given the situation is really good. I'd rather have them over average weight than under.

We also found that there are two distinct placentas and a nice dividing membrane. This means that each baby has it's own blood supply and so there should be no chance of twin to twin transfusion, and they should be near the same weight at birth. At this point one ounce is not a big deal. The dividing membrane means they each have their own "space" and prevents them from fusing together to form Siamese twins, or leaching off one another. So, in a twin pregnancy we're doing really good, even great if I do say so myself!

Everyone is taking the news really well. We had kinda prepared ourselves for one of each so hearing that it was two girls was a shock. Mike is slowly but surely getting the idea.Oh the pink we will see...

He does listen!

2009-09-10T11:40:00.004-04:00

Without trying to sound like the typical biased parent, Ché is smart. He knows a lot of things, songs, ABC's, numbers, math skills, people's real names, his own long name (and he can say it almost correctly!) and much more.

The problem? He won't share the information. With anyone.

I've been working with Ché recently on writing his name, and learning his address. The address is 2nd to the name. He can recognize his name in print, and sign it using American Sign Language. (which Mike thinks is confusing, I don't but whatever...)

He is really stubborn about writing his name though so I gave up for a bit, thinking that it was alright that he wants to just play and be a little boy, and that there was plenty of time to get to writing and all those other learning things later. I figured in a few months we could revisit.

However, yesterday at a playgroup apple orchard outing the owner asked if any of the kids could write their names on the chalkboard. Guess who did it? Of course, the child that won't share anything with me, actually does listen to me. Now, he wrote the "C" backwards and struggled with the "h" before finally writing it backwards, but guess what, one perfect "e."

So, thanks for making me look like a liar Ché!

It's sinking in

2009-09-03T23:37:00.002-04:00

It's finally sinking in, and isn't as much of a shock as it was before. I think Mike and I are finally somewhat excited about the prospect of having two babies at once. For a long time other people were more excited than we were about us having twins. We were terrified (and still are) and apparently some people even wondered whether we were excited at all.

Of course we are. I think that it's wonderful and we wouldn't change it for anything, however it is a bit daunting when faced with the idea of daily life. Bottles alone will have to number close to 50 in our house just so that we have back up in case they don't all get washed in a day. Diapers are going to pry be on the upwards of 20 at the beginning, and that's just the two most obvious things that we've thought about. There's a lot that we have to prepare for, and a lot that we have to purchase, find, fix, and rearrange in our house. But, we're excited too.

I think next week, when we find out what the babies are, it will definitely hit home more that there will be two coming home, and then it will maybe make it seem more real. I think it may be more real for me, being that I'm carrying them around, however seeing them again next week will hit it home again for Mike.

Ché has successfully moved upstairs. We were prepared for more crying, and more trying to get attention, but he transitioned like a champ and still loves his room. He also told Nana today that the babies are coming around Christmas time, and that they aren't going to be staying in his new yellow room upstairs. They get his old fishy room, but not his fishy blanket, because he only has one of those!

Because a new school wasn't enough

2009-08-25T12:46:00.006-04:00

We also moved Che upstairs to his new big boy room.
Our house is a 1 1/2 story, with just one room upstairs and a hallway off of the stairway. He picked the color on the walls, yellow of course, and then he and Nana put up tons of the re-stickable stickers on the walls. We didn't want to paint any murals and stuff on the walls because I'm sure he's going to change his mind within the next couple years what he'd like his room to be.

The first night that he spent in his room, he went to sleep with no fuss. He woke up the next morning with no wakings in the night, and stated that he "loved it up here" and that he liked his new room. He had a few rough times at nap times, however I think that was due to him being very tired and needing the nap.

I'll take some pictures soon and get them up here to show you his new room. He's so proud of it and gladly gives tours to anyone willing to be entertained!

On the school front:
We thought Thursday would be rough, being that it was the 2nd day for the week. He was so excited to go, and when my mom picked him up that afternoon, he told her that he was going to go all 5 days next week because he liked it so much.

We've noticed a definite change in his behavior and speech. His speech is clearer, and slower, and he's more bubbly and outgoing. This was the behavior we saw at home, but not when out and about with other people. I'm excited to see him this way, saying Hello and Good-bye to people without being prompted, excited to be going to school.

I'll admit though, that it does make me a bit sad because he's growing up and the fact that he's going to be 4 soon doesn't help that.

Where does the time go?

2009-08-17T09:14:00.005-04:00

Ché's 1st Day of School

Of course, I asked to be late to work due to not knowing how he'd do at a new school, but fear not, no problems. We were really early, so we had to wait in the hallway about 10 minutes, but then he walked in gave Ms. Julia his filled out forms, and found his card to flip to let them know he was here. Then he answered the question of the day, "What is your favorite color, red or blue?" with blue as his answer. (His real favorite color is yellow, but those were the only two choices!) Then he preceded to the table to play with play-doh, and I said "Goodbye" and gave him a kiss. On the way out I signed to him, love you, and he signed it back then said "Bye!"

No crying, no fussing, nothing. I was so proud of him.

Ha!

2009-08-14T15:47:00.003-04:00

I read this and laughed out loud. But it's true.

"Clomid is a gateway drug."

If you don't understand it, I'm happy for you. If you do, then you'll laugh too.

16 weeks

2009-08-10T16:05:00.004-04:00

16 weeks. Wow, where has the time gone?

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

Can you make guacamole with 2 avocados? hehe. Coincidentally, as much as I enjoy their smooth texture, I am allergic to them.

I have some more updates that I'll get to, but I don't have time right now. I promise, they're coming though!

Yea

2009-08-06T22:20:00.003-04:00

About that headache and sore throat that went away with sleep. It came back after being up for a while.

And then, the throbbing in my ear started. Sigh. Of course it's an inner ear infection. Today, was the first day that I didn't have to apply ice, or heat to get the throbbing to go away. I never got sick before being pregnant. Sigh, there goes my immune system.

I stayed home today

2009-07-31T10:37:00.002-04:00

because I could. I actually woke up with a sore throat and headache, but it went away after a few more hours of sleep. I can't remember the last time I didn't go to work. It's strange being home alone on a weekday...

Last night we went to our first child birth class. It was rather full of expectant mom's and their partners, mostly husbands and/or boyfriends. We were the ones with the due date out the farthest. I always try to plan ahead, and certainly didn't want to miss being able to take the class if I was put on bed rest, so I thought it better to go early.

When we told the people at our table about having twins they were all really excited, and felt that it was really neat. I guess we're finally there, but it's much different when you're the one actually going through it. I remember thinking too before all of this "Two at once, then we're done!" but that really doesn't hold true. I think given the circumstances, we're extremely happy to be here, we never thought we would be. I don't think that either of us thought the IVF cycle would work. I know for sure I didn't. So to be in a position where it in fact did work, and worked well, means that we're really excited, and happy. It just was a shock and took us a lot longer to get excited then an outsider!

A lot of the information of course is geared towards singleton pregnancies, but since there is another woman in the class pregnant with twins the instructor tries to point out some of the differences and talk about what could potentially happen, or change with a twin pregnancy. The rest of the room gasped when she said that there are times where there's an hour between delivery of the twins. A friend of my from high school, there with his girlfriend, looked at me and said "Good luck!"

We did learn a few new things and the best by far was the hip squeeze. Very nice. Basically involved Mike using both his hands to squeeze my hips back to where they should be. I can't even describe how nice it felt. What was even better though was that he did it again this morning, without asking.

The other thing that I picked up on last night, was that my body thinks it's about 4 weeks ahead of where it actually is, which is why a lot of twin pregnancies don't make it much further than 36/37 weeks.

On another note, we're getting used to the quiet house without Candy. I can't say that any of us like it all that much, but we'll get used to it. We've talked about another dog, but not yet. Perhaps in the spring, or summer of next year, and then again who knows. I would certainly like to make it through the winter and the rest of this pregnancy without having to worry about another animal to take care of.

What an eventful weekend

2009-07-27T13:17:00.007-04:00

It was definitely a weekend of ups and downs in our house.

We've been enjoying a visit from my aunt and uncle from Pennsylvania. It's always nice to have family in town.

We also spent time picking blueberries here. We went with my brother and his family and had a great time, even though we got rained on a little bit.

They are by far the best blueberries I've ever tasted, even Mike was seen eating a few. We made a blueberry cake with a vanilla glaze for dinner that same night, and it was like eating a giant blueberry muffin. Definitely something we'd make again, and it could be changed to different fruit, really easily. We currently have 17.5 pounds of blueberries and have frozen more than half, leaving the rest to be made into jam in the very near future.

We also took Che lunchbox shopping for his journey to a new school. He'll be starting on August 17th, and is very excited about it. He can't wait to carry his new froggy lunchbox to school and play on their playground.

We also graduated to the 2nd trimester, with this update:

"This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active. "

Of course with the good weekend, comes the bad. We took our dog, Candy, to the vet on Friday afternoon, she had been vomiting and had tremendously terrible breath. They drew blood and gave her an antibiotic thinking that she probably had an infection in her mouth. Of course Saturday morning came with the results of the blood test, showing that she had advanced renal failure. Mike graciously took her to the vet to talk about options, and after learning that IV fluids would take 3-4 days and may not help at all made the decision to put her down. She was 11, and we'd had her for 4 years. She was a really good dog. Luckily we knew that this was a possible outcome so Che was able to say goodbye and have an explanation as to what may happen. He still is not quite aware, but I'm sure once her tray in the kitchen disappears he'll understand more. He asked where she was on Sunday, but seemed to accept the answer that she had died, just like my mom's dog Cooter, and Papa. It's sad to me that my 3 1/2 year old knows the word die, and what it means.

Goodbye Good Dog!

Sigh. Such is life.

A few updates

2009-07-20T10:16:00.007-04:00

Ché Updates:

We took Ché to the annual FTIA picnic this year (We missed last year due to a wedding), and he had a great time. Still thought nothing of all the kids looking like him. The only thing he cared about was riding the carousel. Of course, we forgot the camera, and the bag with the snacks, and extra clothes. Oh well. He also had a great time playing on the different playgrounds, and looking at the train that kept passing by. We stayed a few hours, then headed home, where Che after a lot of comments like, "I'm not tired," and "I don't need a rest," feel asleep for most of the ride home.

We are also in the mode of getting Ché ready to move upstairs to his big boy room. We have a 1 and a 1/2 story house, and there is only 1 bedroom on the 2nd floor. It's very large, and he'll have plenty of room for sleeping and playing. At this point he's really excited about it, and wants to paint the room yellow and pink. Last night we took down my bedroom set from home, and sent it back to my mom's house. Underneath the bed was a bunch of stuff left over from teaching, mostly bulletin board things, so Ché spent some time picking out the things he wants on his walls. On of which is a giraffe growth chart that goes floor to ceiling. He's pretty excited about it.

Babies Update:

We're now in the last week of the first trimester. It's pretty exciting, and I'm amazed at how fast this is all going. I've transitioned to some maternity clothes and some regular clothes and getting dressed is more and more of a challenge every day. Sunday, as I'm sure Mike will attest to was not a great day for dressing, and I changed outfits several times before finally just giving up.

This is the last week of your first trimester, and your risk of miscarriage is now much lower than earlier in pregnancy. Next week marks the beginning of your second trimester, a time of relative comfort for many women who see early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness and fatigue subside. More good news: Many couples also notice a distinct libido lift around this time. Birth is still months away, but your breasts may have already started making colostrum, the nutrient-rich fluid that feeds your baby for the first few days after birth, before your milk starts to flow.

Your baby has reached the size of a medium shrimp and weighs nearly an ounce. (Length: almost 3 inches, head to bottom.)

The name debate has cooled, it's just a subject we don't talk about at this point. I think that we've found a changing table solution, and we have two cribs ready to go. We're going to talk with Ché about whether or not he wants his siblings to have the fishies in his current room, or if they should get something new. We're really trying hard not to make it seem as though we're "Pushing" him out of his room, and making him give up all his things for the babies. In fact I was thinking of letting him decide which blankets out of the thousands he has to keep and which to give up for the babies. He's also very protective of the babies, and their things. He spent 7 minutes going through a grocery bag of baby clothes my SIL had sent over, "sorting" them out and making sure everything was alright for "his babies."

Other than that, life around our house is pretty normal, same stuff, different day, and I couldn't be happier with it that way.

12 weeks

2009-07-12T10:30:00.005-04:00

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

And that's the update this week. The size of limes... based on the last ultrasounds they are probably both right on, as they have measured exactly right every time. I still feel alright, although the doctor took me off of the metformin, and ever since then I have been a lot more tired, and a lot less hungry. Hopefully that will taper off as my body gets used to not having the medicine.

Just an update

2009-07-10T14:29:00.004-04:00

On Monday my doctor removed me from the metformin, which means that my body no longer has help digesting sugar. The thing I've noticed though is a return of the exhaustion.

It was so much better last week, sigh. Wish that hadn't come back.

I'm happy to report though that my aversion to food is going away, although some things still ick.... like the commercial for KFC Grilled chicken, just turns my stomachache, I can't even watch it. I've also noticed a tightness in the clothes, and have thoroughly enjoyed wearing the one pair of maternity capri's that my mom so generously bought for me. They have a lot of room, don't get me wrong, but they're oh so comfy.

People keep asking me about cravings, and I don't think I've really had any that are that outstanding or that "I can't live without it..." however I guess I could start the list with orange pop and ice.

Mike has lovingly gotten me a big cup of ice from the neighborhood Speedway at least 3-4 times per week with no complaining. He did however complain when I sprawled out on the bed the other night with my knee in his back...

I am going next Thursday morning for a 1 hour Glucose Tolerance Test. Since being taken off the meds., and carrying twins my doctor wanted to be safe and do one now and one later. Hooray for me! I'm worried about it though, just because everything else with the pregnancy has been so easy, so I've been waiting for something to happen...

So we'll see what happens.

Have a good weekend and if you get a chance on Tuesday, wish Mike a Happy Birthday!

Strollers, bottles, and more!

2009-07-08T21:25:00.004-04:00

One thing that has become apparent is that we don't have a lot of "baby" stuff.

Ché was 13 months old the day we picked him up, so the littlest things we have are 6-9 months, which yes, amazingly fit Ché for quite some time. (he wore 12 month shorts yesterday...)

So, we've been assessing the situation and trying to decide all that we need to acquire in the next 6-7 months. It's apparent that we have to have two car seats, clothes and bottles. We went tonight and looked at a double stroller which I think you need a CDL to drive their so big and get an idea of the car seats that are available. I've been scouring the clearance racks for clothes, so we won't have to have naked kids running around...

We we were able to score 2 "jiggly" seats at a garage sale for $6 a piece, and a crib and mattress from Craigslist for $120. (We've decided to split the babies up as best as we can at the beginning by putting them in their own cribs, this way we avoid trying to split them up from co-sleeping with one another, which we've read has been a difficult thing to do)

The big debate now is bottles. When Che came we used the ventaire bottles by playtex, and the cheap Gerber bottles since that was what he used in Guatemala. At the time the BPA free movement hadn't quite gained momentum so bottles weren't made that way. Mike wants to do glass bottles, but I'm fine as long as the plastic is BPA free. The bad thing is that whatever we choose we have to have a lot of. There's no way that we'll be able to have less than 12-15 bottles for everyday... which could be very expensive. So, we'll continue discussing those options.

Is there anything that you recommend for infants? We don't have experience here so any comments are welcome!

The other great debate is:

Names. Mike likes much different names than I do. He contends that we should just each name one, but that prospect is scary. Names he threw out tonight are:

*Apollo

* Quinn

* Sawyer

* Tillman (Till...)

* Navarre

* Cutler (-ey... hehe)

* Harper

* Tucker

* Hollis

* Gust

*Luc

*Alburon

*Theophilus (I mean seriously????)

and that's just the beginning of his madness. So yea, that's going to be a battle. Sigh...

So, any advice on baby gear and names would be appreciated, not necessarily name ideas, but ways to bridge the gaps in our likes/dislikes.

A month betwen posts

2009-07-06T21:19:00.007-04:00

and so much to post about...

As most of you are already aware, Mike and I have done a lot of fertility work. We agreed to do one IVF cycle, and if it didn't work, that was going to be the end. Famous last words!

On May 3rd we had 7 eggs retrieved and fertilized. There were 6 eggs fertilized and so on Wednesday, May 5th we had 2 put back. At that time we had decided to do a freezing of eggs, which means that everyone they took out was fertilized and then they got to pick the best 2 to put back in. We had intentions of freezing the rest for future use. If we had not consented to the freezing, they would have only fertilized 2 eggs, which means if they didn't work, we would have lost all the time and hope we put into the process.

Then we waited, and waited, and waited some more. It was the longest 13 days of my life. On May 17th, Mike left for NABS in Michigan, which wasn't far, but far enough away that he wasn't going to be able to be home for the next day's results of the first beta test. I took a home pregnancy test on the 17th, and it declared "Pregnant" in its digital read out much quicker than the 3 minutes the box said. I ran into the bedroom, and handed it to Mike who said "What does that mean."

I went on the 18th, coincidentally, 1 year after my dad had passed away and had my first beta done. On the guidelines from the Dr's. office it said that if the number is over 50, the test would be repeated in 2 days, and if under 50 you could assume you were not pregnant. That phone call came in the afternoon on the 18th, with a beta number of 228, well over that magic 50 number. I had a repeat beta on Wednesday the 20th, and again according to the guidelines in order to celebrate we needed to see the number double, which meant we should see at least 456, ours was 526m which again was much more than needed.

We were officially pregnant at that time! Something we had waited so long for, and it seemed so surreal

I started to question the high numbers at that time, but our Dr.'s office wouldn't confirm anything, and Dr. Google wasn't very helpful either. So we had to wait again. On June 6th we went in for an ultrasound to confirm and the tech said, "There's your baby, and there's another one..."

I think Mike almost fainted, I had prepared myself that this was a possibility, he had convinced himself that it was not. The tech measured, both were measuring at the right sizes, one was measuring 6 weeks 5 days (right on), and the other was 6 weeks 4 days. the heart rates were right on where they needed to be as well.

The dr.'s office then led us to another room where we were left alone for quite some time to digest the news. I don't think they could have left us there long enough!

We had another ultrasound 2 weeks later, and the tech was not good at hiding her concern over the fact that Baby "B" was a lot smaller than Baby "A" It was very concerning, and we thought something was wrong. The comforting thing though was that the heart rates were very healthy. We were asked to wait at the doctor's office to talk to someone, but I had a mtg, and couldn't wait. The rescheduled us for a week later to re-measure and make sure everything was alright. A week later Baby "B" had turned and was measuring right on track, as was Baby "A" which meant, no problems. It was comforting to know and set my mind at ease.

I had another annual type appt. today, and since the doctor cannot use a doppler to hear the heartbeats got to have another ultrasound to measure heartbeats. This was my first ultrasound that was done on the outside, not in, and it was very cool. I got to see both babies, very briefly, and see that their hearts are pumping well, one at 171 and the other at 173. Baby "A" was chillin out, cool as a cucumber, and Baby "B" was rockin' it out in there, all limbs going at once. Both babies were head up today, which last time one was head up and the other head down.

At this time we are 11 weeks pregnant, with a due date still set for January 24th, although with twins the normal gestation is less than 40 weeks so I'm assuming it will be at least 4 weeks early, which leaves us at the end of Dec. or early Jan.

I have to say that overall I've felt great. I've not had any morning sickness and the only complaints I have are that my left leg keeps falling asleep and I'm really tired. O try not to bring it up a lot because I don't like the glares from other pregnant women, or the smiting from someone making it suddenly appear!

I feel that you can tell that I'm pregnant at this point, however I doubt that you can, it's just my perception. I'm to the point where a lot of my pants are tighter, so I bought these, which have been really helpful. They come in two different sizes and right now what they are allowing me to do is eat comfortably and move well.

I've tried really hard not to read a lot of pregnancy books because I don't want to make my mind lead me into thinking things are happening when they aren't. If I have questions, I call the doctor. I've been feeling some round ligament pain at times, which is very interesting, and I know shocking to Mike when I just stood hunched over in the kitchen one day for about 3 minutes.

Mike is really excited now, and we're both getting used to the idea that our family is almost doubling. Ché believes that the babies are his, and that Santa is going to put them in my belly button at Christmas time. He is very excited about having siblings, and insists that he is going to be a big sister.

The one site that I do check regularly is one that compares fetal size with fruit. This is week 11:

A fig. last week it was a kumquat. This for me puts the babies into perspective into something that I can hold, and make tangible.

So, that's our big news. What have you been up to?

I'll try to post some more of Che's stories, and things that he's made up, they're hilarious and definitely worth sharing!

My Blood Hurts.

2009-06-04T09:26:00.005-04:00

Yesterday we topped the list on ways to torture Ché. He's been having leg pain at night, always in the same leg, and always at night. For awhile it was happening a couple times a week. Since it was only one leg, and he's generally not a complainer we thought it was something that we should have checked out. The other thing that tipped us to have it checked out is that the leg that is sore all the time isn't the one that was broken prior to us adopting Ché.

So we did. We took him to our family doctor, who said he had good range of motion and that everything looked fine. I asked if it was because he might be him overcompensating for his short leg. We were told it was a possibility, but that the Dr. wanted to run some tests to check it out. He started to say, "If it were my son..." but he stopped. I know this meant that he thought we shouldn't worry about it, but it causes pain which usually ends up in a dose of Tylenol and 20 or more minutes of rubbing and sometimes an ice pack in order to get him to go back to sleep, so it really is a big deal. So, Dr. ordered an x-ray and a blood test.

The x-ray was no big deal, in fact the x-ray tech even showed Ché the pictures, so he got to see his own bones. Interestingly enough though, kids that age don't have kneecaps.

Then there was blood test, which we did yesterday. When we went to the lab we did our best to keep Ché updated on what was going to happen. We were honest that it was going to hurt a little bit, but that the pain would go away. So he was alright. Climbed up into the chair, got his arms out, let the lady do the tourniquet, the alcohol wipe, she had the needle ready to go, and not a peep out of him. Then the insert. And the crying, although I have to say not bad at all. He even held still for her because she asked him too. He stopped crying before it was done, and then was so excited to get the big blue band-aid.

He wouldn't give her a high-five, but did take the stickers from her and tell her thank you, so he must not have had to much animosity towards her.

He was good, we congratulated him on being so well behaved, rewarded him with fruit snacks and a trip to the park and he was fine. But on the way out the door, to leave the lab, the comment was made, and Mike and I just had to stop from rolling on the floor:

"My blood hurts, Mama."

I know

2009-05-29T09:33:00.007-04:00

You're all waiting with baited breath to hear the news. But I'm not sharing yet, although lots of people know the answer already.

I'll share soon though, just not ready yet.

On another note:

We visited Chicago over the long weekend and Che had a great time playing with his cousins. They own one of these:

But, those crafty people didn't put the big battery in it so it was just a really big radio, which still kept those three kids (age 4 and under) occupied for most of the evening. We had some great barbecue, smoked brisket, and smoked ribs. It was great, and Che really liked it too.

As always we left late, and Che fell asleep by the time we were on the toll road. It helped that it was dark and rainy, that he didn't have a nap that day, and that he was totally worn out. He slept until about 5 miles from home, when a loud thud to the car woke him. The thud.... a deer.

Luckily, Mike's superb driving skills really helped out as he braked and swerved, hitting the deer with only one side of the car. The headlight was a goner, and there were lots of dents and damage, but no one was hurt, and luckily the air bags deployed. I believe there was also talk about saliva being smeared down the side of the car. I called my mom, to tell her that we were almost home and Che grabbed the phone. This was the conversation:

Che: "Hi Nana."
Nana: "Hi Ché, how are you?"
Che: "I'm ok. We bumped into a deer."
Nana: "You did! Is everyone alright."
Che: "yea." at this point he got really sad... "but I think it was a reindeer."

He talked about that reindeer off and on for the next couple of days. We assured him that the deer's momma gave it a band-aid and kisses, and we're sure it's better. Of course in reality, that deer was hurting, since we only hit the back half, and I'm sure by now it's not living anymore.

It was an interesting incident by the way, but hopefully the talk of reindeer is on it's way out.

This wait...

2009-05-12T09:09:00.002-04:00

is killing me. I think we've just stopped talking about it at home.

On other notes, Ché is becoming quite the little boy. No longer a baby, and quickly leaving toddlerhood. He is now dressing himself quite frequently, and I'm happy to say potty trained! Yippee!
In the past month we've had 2 accidents, one of which was yesterday when he couldn't open the door from outside and couldn't make it in the house. (that doesn't count as an "accident" in my book anyway. He was trying.)

He is also becoming very talkative, and likes telling stories. On of my favorite phrases that we hear quite often is, "like that you know." It's a very serious part of any conversation. Che is also big into making plans right now, as in "Here's the plan... I'm going to take a nap."

Mike will be leaving for Michigan to attend NABS, sadly not this NABS. hehe. He will be gone about a week, so we'll see if there is a return of toddler depression. We've been telling Che that Daddy will be gone, and he seems to understand, but we'll see what really happens come next Sunday. Last time when Mike came home Ché wouldn't talk to him.

Other than that though life's been normal, going to work, playing at home, going to bed, knitting, watching too much basketball (I'm glad that's almost over...)

Pictures (with more info now!)

2009-05-08T09:53:00.006-04:00

Take a look, take a guess...

This is what we've been up to. Know what it is?

Yes, there are two. It doesn't mean that either or both will stay. We'll find out at a later date and be sharing. Unfortunately this is even harder than the shots, and multiple trips to Indy, the uncomfortable procedures, and the 5 people looking at my bits and pieces on Wednesday...

Umm, yea

2009-05-08T09:19:00.002-04:00

So it's been a few months... since I last popped over here and a lot has been going on. I don't know where to start..

I guess I'll start with a really good thing.
After being out of bloggerworld for a few days, I came back to catch up on some posts and found out I won a contest! I never win anything, how neat is that!

I'll make sure I post some more soon, but am waiting on some pictures...

Interview

2009-01-26T10:03:00.005-05:00

A fellow blogger sent the following questions:

1. What is your clearest memory of the year you were 10?

That would have been 1992. I was in 5th grade, and as far as I can remember my clearest memory was at camp. I believe that was the year I broke my ankle playing kickball. I vividly remember the noise (which is why to this day I cannot stand knuckle cracking), and that I threw the ball back in so the other kids didn't have to stop playing. I was at Birch Lake in Michigan, so I had to be driven down to the Granger Martin's where my parents picked me up and then took me to the hospital. Unfortunately, I had already put wash out hair color in my hair (pink of course) and was not treated the greatest at the hospital. I was told it was just a sprain, given some crutches and sent on my way. I begged to go back to camp, which my parents let me do, with the explicit instructions to stay on the crutches.
I didn't. Of course. Now, as an adult, I kick myself, since I have many days of pain in that ankle, which decides to give out every now and then. (I found out later that it was broken...)

2. If you were not a mom and wife, what would you be doing?

I have no idea. I think I would still be living at home, and may have pursued an advance degree since I would be working and have nothing else to spend my money on.

3. If a movie was made of your life, who would you want to play you?

I have always had an affinity for Molly Ringwald, but the whole 40 years old and pregnant with twins thing (her not me!) doesn't really help out, so I guess Drew Barrymore. We have the same round face, so perhaps that would work! (I'm not really up on my actresses, so that's the best I've got for this one...)

4. What TV show is most like your life and why?

The Office. I have crazy people in my life that remind me of those characters. They aren't all work related, in fact most of them aren't, but each of the Office characters has a counter part in my life.

5. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

The power to stop time. I could get so much more done if everyone around me would just be still and let me get things finished!

That was easy! If you want to participate, just shoot me a comment and I'll send you 5 questions!

"Mr. Obama is a nice man"

2009-01-21T09:04:00.006-05:00

Yesterday was a very historical day. I spent my lunch hour huddled around streaming video of the inauguration. I've never watched any of the others. I was amazed at how quiet the crowd was, and how peaceful it appeared.

Since it was a Tuesday, Grandma was over watching Ché. Tuesday also means it's the day Ché's friend comes to play with his Grandma. Both Grandma's wanted to watch the inauguration, and since Mike was home at lunch it became quite an event.

Ché's friend watched for a few seconds, then went off to play. That's what I expected of Ché. He's three and doesn't have to understand the significance and importance of yesterday. But he didn't. He sat and watched. He watched the quartet, pointed out the big trumpets, and found many of the police men standing around. He watched as Mr. Obama put his hand on the bible, and took the oath of office. He told Grandma that the girl was cute, referring to Mr. Obama's youngest daughter, Sasha. Later, he watched the parade, taking it all in. Noticing, and pointing things out as he watched.

When Mike and I arrived at his parents house that evening, to have supper, Mr. Obama was all Ché talked about. He told that Mr. Obama is a nice man, and that he was in a parade. Throughout the evening Ché told us that he was Obama, and he would walk straight and tall and proud. He ate his dinner, pretending to be Mr. Obama, and when we told him that Mr. Obama had spinach that night for dinner, Ché gladly ate his own spinach.

A bit before leaving we were watching coverage of the Neighborhood Ball, and trying to explain to Ché what was going on. He didn't say much until the ride home. He said that Mr. Obama was in the car, and we said, no he was probably at the Ball, dancing. He paused a few minutes, and then said, "No, Mr. Obama is not dancing. He's talking."

We of course said that Ché was probably correct, and that President Obama was probably talking.

While Ché was then taking off his boots he told me that "President Bush had to go to the parking lot, and now Mr. Obama is the President."

This morning, Mike was going to turn on some cartoons for Ché to watch and when the TV came on C-Span was on. They were re-running the inauguration. Guess who wanted to watch it again?

Thought

2009-01-15T13:04:00.008-05:00

Infertility is something that a lot of people don't understand. The concept isn't hard to understand, and a bit of basic science knowledge can help people understand the reasons behind, but I think it's the emotional side that people generally have a lack of knowledge about.

I believe that alot of people think that those of us (women) that suffer through infertility are jealous of pregnant women. It's true, at least for me. I feel a pang of jealousness, (then guilt) every time a loved one, or friend announces a pregnancy. It's compounded when I get the baby shower invites, or the updates to the pregnancy blog. (ack!)

But, honestly it's not the pregnancy that I'm jealous of. It's taken a lot of time for me to process this, and I'm finally able to pinpoint it. I'm not envious that people can get pregnant, but that they can have a baby. That's the end result of a pregnancy, and that's ultimately the reason for embarking on that journey. To have a baby.

Most people, I believe, don't get pregnant because they want to be pregnant. I believe they do so to have a family, to have a baby, a child.

So, it's 10 times harder for me to be around newborns, and babies, than it is pregnant women. Showers compound it because everyone is celebrating the impending birth of a new baby.

I think what says it best though, better than I can is this letter from Resolve, a national organization on infertility: (it's long! you've been warned!)

"I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even I don't understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand.You may describe me this way: obsessed, moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren't very admirable traits; no wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe myself this way: confused, rushed and impatient, afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, and unsettled.My infertility makes me feel confused. I always assumed I was fertile. I've spent years avoiding pregnancy and now it seems ironic that I can't conceive. I hope this will be a brief difficulty with a simple solution such as poor timing. I feel confused about whether I want to be pregnant or whether I want to be a parent. Surely if I try harder, try longer, try better and smarter, I will have a baby.My infertility makes me feel rushed and impatient. I learned of my infertility only after I'd been trying to become pregnant for some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind schedule. I waited to become a parent and now I must wait again. I wait for medical appointments, wait for tests, wait for treatments, wait for other treatments, wait for my period not to come, wait for my partner not to be out of town and wait for pregnancy. At best, I have only twelve opportunities each year. How old will I be when I finish having my family?My infertility makes me feel afraid. Infertility is full of unknowns, and I'm frightened because I need some definite answers. How long will this last? What if I'm never a parent? What humiliation must I endure? What pain must I suffer? Why do drugs I take to help me, make me feel worse? Why can't my body do the things that my mind wants it to do? Why do I hurt so much? I'm afraid of my feelings, afraid of my undependable body and afraid of my future.My infertility makes me feel isolated and alone. Reminders of babies are everywhere. I must be the only one enduring this invisible curse. I stay away from others, because everything makes me hurt. No one knows how horrible my pain is. Even though I'm usually a clear thinker, I find myself being lured by superstitions and promises. I think I'm losing perspective. I feel so alone and I wonder if I'll survive this.My infertility makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Frequently I forget that infertility is a medical problem and should be treated as one. Infertility destroys my self esteem and I feel like a failure. Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a baby? Will my partner want to remain with me? Is this the end of my family lineage? Will my family be ashamed of me? It is easy to lose self-confidence and to feel ashamed.My infertility makes me feel angry. Everything makes me angry, and I know much of my anger is misdirected. I'm angry at my body because it has betrayed me even though I've always taken care of it. I'm angry at my partner because we can't seem to feel the same about infertility at the same time. I want and need an advocate to help me. I'm angry at my family because they've always sheltered and protected me from terrible pain. My younger sibling is pregnant; my mother wants a family reunion to show off her grandchildren and my grandparents want to pass down family heirlooms.I'm angry at my medical caregivers, because it seems that they control my future. They humiliate me, inflict pain on me, pry into my privacy, patronize me, and sometimes forget who I am. How can I impress on them how important parenting is to me? I'm angry at my expenses; infertility treatment is extremely expensive. My financial resources may determine my family size. My insurance company isn't cooperative, and I must make so many sacrifices to pay the medical bills. I can't miss any more work, or I'll lose my job. I can't go to a specialist, because it means more travel time, more missed work, and greater expenses. Finally, I'm angry at everyone else. Everyone has opinions about my inability to become a parent. Everyone has easy solutions. Everyone seems to know too little and say too much.My infertility makes me feel sad and hopeless. Infertility feels like I've lost my future, and no one knows of my sadness. I feel hopeless; infertility robs me of my energy. I've never cried so much nor so easily. I'm sad that my infertility places my marriage under so much strain. I'm sad that my infertility requires me to be so self-centered. I'm sad that I've ignored many friendships because this struggle hurts so much and demands so much energy. Friends with children prefer the company of other families with children. I'm surrounded by babies, pregnant women, playgrounds, baby showers, birth stories, kids' movies, birthday parties and much more. I feel so sad and hopeless.My infertility makes me feel unsettled. My life is on hold. Making decisions about my immediate and my long-term future seems impossible. I can't decide about education, career, purchasing a home, pursuing a hobby, getting a pet, vacations, business trips and houseguests. The more I struggle with my infertility, the less control I have. This struggle has no timetable; the treatments have no guarantees. The only sure things are that I need to be near my partner at fertile times and near my doctor at treatment times. Should I pursue adoption? Should I take expensive drugs? Should I pursue more specialized and costly medical intervention? It feels unsettling to have no clear, easy answers or guarantees.Occasionally I feel my panic subside. I'm learning some helpful ways to cope; I'm now convinced I'm not crazy, and I believe I'll survive. I'm learning to listen to my body and to be assertive, not aggressive, about my needs. I'm realizing that good medical care and good emotional care are not necessarily found in the same place. I'm trying to be more than an infertile person gaining enthusiasm, joyfulness, and zest for life.You can help me. I know you care about me and I know my infertility affects our relationship. My sadness causes you sadness; what hurts me, hurts you, too. I believe we can help each other through this sadness. Individually we both seem quite powerless, but together we can be stronger. Maybe some of these hints will help us to better understand infertility.I need you to be a listener. Infertile couples have a lot on their minds and need someone to talk to. Sometimes a good ear helps people get things off their chests. A good listener can help people express their anxiety, anger, and guilt; or help people work out solutions to problems. Without offering any suggestions, your attentiveness and interest may provide the comfort and reassurance I need most. Talking about my struggle helps me to make decisions. Let me know if you are available for me. Repeatedly remind me that you love me no matter what. I need to hear it so badly. Let me know you understand that this is very hard work. Help me realize that I may need additional support from professional caregivers and appropriate organizations. Perhaps you can suggest resources. You might also need support for yourself, and I fear I'm unable to provide it for you; please don't expect me to do so. Help me to keep sight of my goal.Let me know when you don’t know what to say. I need you to be comfortable with me, and then I also will feel more comfortable. Talking about infertility sometimes feels awkward. Are you worried you might say the wrong thing? Share those feelings with me. Ask me if I want to talk. Sometimes I will want to, and sometimes I won't, but it will remind me that you care.I need you to be sensitive. Although I may joke about infertility to help myself cope, it doesn't seem as funny when others joke about it. Please don't tease me with remarks like, "You don't seem to know how to do it." Don't trivialize my struggle by saying, "I'd be glad to give you one of my kids." It's no comfort to hear empty reassurances like, "You'll be a parent by this time next year." Don't minimize my feelings with, "You shouldn't be so unhappy." For now, don't push me into uncomfortable situations like baby showers or family reunions. I already feel sad and guilty; please don't also make me feel guilty for disappointing you.I need you to be honest with me. Let me know that you may need time to adjust to some of my decisions. I also needed adjustment time. If there are things you don't understand, say so. Please be gentle when you guide me to be realistic about things I can't change such as my age, some medical conditions, financial resources, and employment obligations. Don't hide information about others' pregnancies from me. Although such news makes me feel very sad, it feels worse when you leave me out.I need you to be informed. Your advice and suggestions are only frustrating to me if they aren't based on fact. Be well informed so you can educate others when they make remarks based on myths. Don't let anyone tell you that my infertility will be cured if I relax and adopt. Don't tell me this is God's will. Don't ask me to justify my need to parent. Don't criticize my course of action or my choice of physician even though I may do that myself. Reassure yourself that I am also searching for plenty of information which helps me make more knowledgeable decisions about my options.I need you to be patient. Remember that working through infertility is a process. It takes time. There are no guarantees, no package deals, no complete kits, no one right answer, and no "quickie" choices. My needs change; my choices change. Yesterday I demanded privacy, but today I need you for strength. You have many feelings about infertility, and I do too. Please allow me to have anger, joy, sadness, and hope. Don't minimize or evaluate my feelings. Just allow me to have them, and give me time.I need you to be strengthening by boosting my self esteem. My sense of worthlessness hampers my ability to take charge. My personal privacy has repeatedly been invaded. Enjoyable experiences with you such as a lunch date, a shopping trip, or a visit to a museum help me feel normal. Encourage me to maintain my sense of humor; guide me to find joys. Celebrate with me my successes, even ones as small as making it through a medical appointment without crying. Remind me that I am more than an infertile person. Help me by sharing your strength.Eventually I will be beyond the struggle of infertility. I know my infertility will never completely go away, because it will change my life. I won't be able to return to the person I was before infertility, but I also will no longer be controlled by this struggle. I will leave the struggle behind me, and from that I will have improved my skills for empathy, patience, resilience, forgiveness, decision-making and self-assessment. I feel grateful that you are trying to ease my journey through this infertility struggle by giving me your understanding."

It helps to have Mike, someone that understands to the best of his ability what's going on. So for that I'm grateful.

Glasses

2009-01-13T09:05:00.005-05:00

I've worn glasses since I was in 3rd grade. My first pair were pink plastic. I hated them, but there weren't as many options then, and it wasn't cool to wear glasses. Now, very cool.

But there's a big problem: glasses are expensive.

Our insurance, like most will cover glasses, or contacts, not both. This is fine, if you wear glasses all the time, but I have serious disdain for glasses in the summer, due to the sweating factor. I hate the feeling of them sliding down my face, not to mention the sweat build up leading to break outs.

In the past, we've shelled out the money for whatever is cheaper, letting the insurance cover the other, or I've tried to make the contacts last 2 x's longer than I should.

This time though, I was smarter. I did a search for cheap glasses, and stumbled across this site:

http://www.zennioptical.com/

Amazing. I ordered 2 pairs of glasses, with prescription frames, and one set with clip on sunglasses. Any guesses as to the total? (you know it has to be cheap if I ordered 2 pairs.)

A hint: It's even better than the Buy One, Get One 1/2 off, deal at some of the chain eye glass stores.

Pictures: These might help make the cost determination:

So, to recap: 2 pairs of glasses, prescription lenses in both, clip on sunglasses:

Total (with $4.95 shipping): $58.80

I'm not lieing.
Each pair came in an opaque white case, with a cleaning rag in both... for under $60.

I know you can get single prescription and bifocals. I'm not sure about trifocals. All you need is your prescription, and to measure the distance between your pupils (easily done in a mirror with a dry erase marker and another pair of glasses).

Check it out if you're part of the glasses wearing club, it's well worth it, and depending on your insurance, it could be cheaper than your eye doctor, where my last pair was over $300.

I've fallen in love!

2009-01-07T19:23:00.003-05:00

I've fallen in love...

with this:

What is it? A simple device that that turns this:

into this:

If you knit, you know why I'm so excited. A skein will tangle, a center pull ball remains loose and usable throughout your whole project, seldom tangling, and never pulling your yarn tightly which ruins the elasticity.
Ahhh, yarn balls.

2008

2009-01-04T21:57:00.002-05:00

I know, it's a few days into 2009, and I've not posted about 2008 yet, but I'm here.

2008 was a hell of a year in my world...

January:
We met with Dr. Jarrett, and began on the path to possibly having another child. I was told to lose 30 pounds, and we would see him again in March to talk about the next steps. I found Dr. Jarrett abrasive and didn't really know what was in store when we would see him again.
Ché really started talking in sentences. 2-4 words, but nonetheless it made communication so much easier.
January was also the month where Ché disassembled a diaper in his bed depositing white "diaper fluff" all over the room.

February:
Continued with the weight loss. I feel that I did pretty well with it all, considering the lack of eating support at home! If you know Mike, you know healthy eating isn't his (nor my) forte!
We found Ché in his crib with inside/out PJ's thus starting the trend of bedtime mischief, as well as a new found quickness in clothes removal. February must have been quite boring, because that's all I can remember.

March:
I turned 26, which means I'm still younger that Mike! :-)
We spent the previous weekend with Mike's parents in Chicago celebrating his Dad's birthday, which meant me too! It was a great time and the longest we had been away from from Ché together ever. I never finished the meme that Liz tagged me for...

April:
My Dad started going down hill a lot faster this month. His trips were shorter, and things got harder, but we all held out hope. We celebrated his 56th birthday at Bruno's pizza and it was great. We didn't know it would be his last birthday, but I think we all figured it would be.
Ché had a good time with Easter, but didn't quite understand the whole concept. I'm sure this year will be easier for him to understand. We did our first round of fertility meds and while I was optimistic, Mike held back hope. Mike also got his new tattoo in April.
We were all in the throws of the democratic race and for the 1st time since the 60's Indiana mattered.

May:
My Dad died on May 18th at 3:00 in the morning.

June:
Celebrating Father's day was a different experience this year. We got yet another negative pregnancy test in June. I believe that was the 3rd of the year. Even though you get a negative at home, you still have to do a blood test, so there was more prodding involved. By this time though I was beginning to get used to needle sticks. I still don't like them, but it' s not as hard.

July:
Mike turned 30! We celebrated with a surprise party, which was actually a surprise, although I don't think he would fess up if it wasn't. I participated in the MDA Lock Up, raising over $600 for sending kids with MS to camps and to fund research.
My parents 37th anniversary was in July, but there was no celebration, just a thinking of you card. We were again faced with a cycle that didn't work, and were faced with some decisions regarding continuing or trying adoption again.

August:
August found us making a lot of decisions on the fertility front so I didn't post much on my blog. I'm sure it was quite boring for anyone that actually reads this thing.
We decided that I would have surgery in September, hoping for a "reset" that would fix things.

September:
I had surgery the first weekend of September, and for the first time in years did not go to the Blueberry Festival.
The surgery was fine, I was sore for a while, but of course it went away. It made Mike optimistic for the next set of instructions, and made us both ready to keep going.
Mike and I went to our first Bears game, and even though they lost had a great time. If we could afford to, I'm sure we'd go much more often.

October:
Ché was Plex for Halloween, in a home-made costume. He went to 5 houses and then was more than happy to hand out treats.
We started what would be one of our last cycles, before big decisions had to be made.
I interviewed for a job, more because there's always room to improve, and to work on interviewing since I'm not great in that area.
Mike and I celebrated our 5th year anniversary, by going to Bonefish, and having Ché go to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the night.

November:
Thanksgiving. The first major holiday without Dad. It was hard. Really hard, but we made it through and it was nice, different, but nice.
I attended a conference for work near the end of the month, leaving Mike home with Ché overnight alone. It was definitely in interesting experience for all involved.
Mike began participating in mustaches for kids, and by the end of the it, received the award for "Best 'stach"
And of course, we elected Barack Obama into the office of President.

December:
The first Christmas without my Dad, and the first Christmas that Ché truly got it. He understood Baby Jesus, and Santa. He was very excited about visiting Santa and even wrote him a letter.
Christmas was strange without my Dad around, I didn't have anyone to shop with (he loved to shop) and no extra presents to wrap. There was no buying of Star Wars paraphernalia, or bubble bath. It was strange.
Mom made a wonderful dinner the Saturday afterwards, and we all got through it, but that didn't make it easier.
We met with Dr. Jarrett on the 18th, and got advice that I'm not ready to share yet, but obviously if it was exciting news I would have shared.
We also met Graham for the first time and Ché had a great time visiting with him, Uncle Matt, and Aunt Emily.

So in all 2008 was a difficult year. I'm hoping that 2009 brings good news for our family.
Happy New Year to all of you too!

The Santa Picture!

2008-12-24T08:29:00.004-05:00

Last year, Santa got a hi-five, this year, it was a race to see if he could get there faster than lightening. Ché was very excited to hand Santa his letter, and tell him that he wanted "toys and trucks, and cars too!"

We then had to explain that Santa doesn't give you those things right then! haha!

2008-12-23T15:57:00.005-05:00

Thank Goodness the Bears won yesterday. Else our house would have had a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad Christmas.

2 years ago

2008-12-18T09:03:00.008-05:00

Our lives were drastically changed.

On Sunday, December 18, 2006 after 6 hours on a plane to Guatemala, hand picking our baggage off the broken baggage claim, and going around and around the airport deciding whether or not to actually go out, we got a call saying that in 30 minutes our son would be at the hotel.

It was an unnerving moment. I didn't know what to do first, or how we were ever going to be ready to meet this child, let alone be the sole caregivers for him. I believe I took a shower, not knowing what else to do.

These are my two favorite pictures from the trip. The first time Mike ever held Ché. He was definitely holding back tears. The woman in the picture is Ché's foster mother. She was wonderful, and we still credit her with Ché's good behavior.

(Can you tell how scared and confused Ché is? He cried for about 30 minutes after the foster mom left, but then was very quiet for most of the rest of the trip)

And, Ché and I, in front of the enormous Christmas tree in the lobby of the hotel we stayed at. This picture was taken the day we left, and we were waiting for the taxi to take us to the airport.

One thing I've been thinking a lot about, especially now that Ché has been home for more time than he spent in Guatemala, is nature vs. nurture. I think this picture sums it all up.

Can you see it? The facial expressions?

While today is a special day, we've decided to celebrate his adoption on the 21st, which is the day we arrived back in South Bend, and the day our whole families got to meet Ché for the first time.

And it's over!

2008-12-06T20:14:00.004-05:00

Mike has been gone since November 30th. About 6 days. In toddler time, it's a lifetime.
Mike has been here, way up north, where they have even more snow than at home, and colder temperatures too!

Ché did fairly well, better than last time Daddy was gone. We had Daddy cards, a system where we pulled a number off every day counting down the time till Daddy came home, and I tried keeping him busy with crafts, baking, and other projects, but last night, he'd had enough.

I got 2/3 of the way down my mom's driveway when he started begging for his blankie, which he proceeded to cry into most of the way home, until the pitiful "I miss Daddy," came out. All day today he's been obstinate and impatient, and every time I ask him what is wrong, the answer is, "I miss Daddy."

I swear if Daddy ever goes out of town again, Ché's going too. It's a good thing he called and they're coming home a day early. I don't think Ché or I could take another day alone together.

Keen Footwear

2008-11-24T09:14:00.002-05:00

A fellow blogger, Daring Young Mom, is having a give away for Keen Footwear. It looks amazingly comfortable and durable.
Check it out and enter the contest! You might win free footwear or accessories! Totally worth it, and you never know when you might get lucky!

Going Away

2008-11-22T20:48:00.002-05:00

I just returned from a CASA Conference in Indianapolis. I was leery about going, as I've never left Mike and Ché alone overnight while I went off to a big city.

I enjoyed myself. I listened to some good speakers and got some good ideas to take back to work. I received an awesome bag... and stole some great swag. A friend from work and I drove down to Indy together and shared a room. She lived there for 12 years so drove around and took me to her favorite bar. Now, those of you that know me, also know that I'm not a drinker, and definitely not a bar person. It was way out of my comfort zone, but I did enjoy myself, and learned that I like martinis. The place was called Rock Bottom. I had the applitini and a sexy bex. The appletini tasted like a jolly rancher, and the sex bex was so sweet it was scary how much it didn't taste like alcohol.

On the way home we stopped at World Market, and I bought way too much stuff since I've never been to one before. It was great. Truly wish we had one here.

What I learned the most from the conference though... That I missed home and couldn't wait to be back.

A man, a mustache, a plan. (*Updated with Clean shaveness)

2008-11-20T09:13:00.004-05:00

So, Mike is participating in a mustache-a-thon, for lack of better words.

Some people from his work are participating as well, so he's not the only clean-shaven weirdo walking around with the snow flying.

Many of you that know Mike, also know that he always has facial hair. ALWAYS. I have never (in 7 years), seen him totally clean shaven. One time after the slip of a razor, I did see a great reduction in the amount of facial hair, but never clean shaven off. It's really an odd site, and I'd love to have a picture, but don't. The only I have is this:

Pre-shave, but a lot less hair than normal.

And Post Shaven.... hehe.

The money that they raise for growing mustaches is going to be donated to our local Boys and Girls club. Sooo, all you lovely people, how about a 5 spot to help out our Boys and Girls club?

It truly is legitimate, even though it sounds crazy... check it out: http://www.mustachesforkids.org/

I am the worst parent ever.

2008-11-12T14:01:00.002-05:00

Today, I had a court hearing at 9:30 and Ché had a doctor's appointment for a cough that wouldn't go away. He never had a fever, got lethargic, anything! It had started to subside so we weren't really worried and thought it was on it's way out. Mike and his Mom took him to the doctor, and I waited to hear something.

WRONG!

Today at 9:30, our doctor ordered a chest x-ray. Ché has a "spot" of bronchitis and a sinus infection. So, now he's on an antibiotic, and Singulair.

The problem is that we weren't told what the Singulair was for, and the pharmacist said it is sometimes prescribed for asthma...

We have to ask some questions at his follow up on the 25th.

I just feel guilty for not being there when he needed to have an x-ray and all.

Awesome

2008-11-07T09:50:00.004-05:00

I regularly read a blog called Cake Wrecks. It's hilarious, maybe more so for me since I like to make cake, but check it out sometime, it's worth the laugh! (Thanks Suze, for the link!)

Sometimes though they showcase really good cakes... like this one:

Entirely made out of cupcakes. egad, I can't imagine how much work that was. The portrait consists of 1,240 cupcakes. If you're like me and only have two 12 hole cupcake pans, you'd have to make 52 batches of cupcakes. That's a lot of bakin' yo.

Celebrate Adoption!

2008-11-06T11:19:00.002-05:00

November is National Adoption Awareness. National Adoption Day is Nov. 15th this year. Coincidentally, Nov. 18th was National Adoption day last year and was Ché's 2nd birthday, but his first birthday with us.
Here's a calendar of ways to celebrate adoption every day this month.

http://www.adoption.com/national-adoption-awareness-month/

Check it out, and see if there is a way you can support and promote adoption!

My 1st Time

2008-11-05T09:08:00.007-05:00

No, no not that!

What I mean is that for the 1st time since I've been able to vote, the candidate that I voted for won.

It's exciting. I traditionally live in a red state, and last night it went blue, for the first time since LBJ was elected. That was in 1963. 45 years of being red...

Mike and I watched the celebration in Grant Park, and the concession speech given by McCain.

CNN still hasn't called Indiana even though 99% of the precincts are reporting and the vote tally is

Obama: 1,352,356

McCain: 1,329,370

That's a difference of 22,986. That's not many people, but it's enough.

However, right now, we all need to stop thinking and celebrating/mourning about who won, and who lost, but what we can do together to make this presidency work, to strengthen the economy, to improve healthcare, to get ourselves back on our feet.

One man cannot do this by himself. We have to do it together, so I'm going to do my best not to gloat after this post of course, but for now:

The Speech

Vote!

2008-11-04T07:41:00.002-05:00

Go out and Vote today, because:

Woot!

2008-10-31T09:15:00.005-04:00

There's a website called Woot. The gimmick is that the have one thing to see per day, and once it's gone it's gone. Things are always at a great price, so you get a deal. Connected to Woot is ShirtWoot and Winewoot.
I've gotten two awesome shirts from ShirtWoot, but today, the shirt is too worthy to not have mention.

If you don't understand it, go here.

Along with every Woot is a description of the product, and they are always hilarious. Check out the description for this shirt:

"America, this debate has torn us apart long enough. It’s time to find some common ground. Even the most pro-oar among us can agree that rowing is a lot more work. Besides, history shows us that if the water’s shallow enough to wade across, your boat might get stuck. And the pro-boot forces, for their part, can admit that not everyone is comfortable choosing wading, from those who are disabled or elderly to those who prefer to minimize the risk of getting wet.
The most important thing is, we all want to reduce the number of failed water crossings in America today. That’s why it’s time to build a bridge between these two opposing viewpoints. And that bridge over our troubled waters will be…a bridge. An actual bridge, we mean. Then we can stop arguing over this bitterly divisive issue and turn our attention to matters of substance, like whether or not two stick figures can legally marry."

Check it out!

2008-10-29T12:35:00.001-04:00

Check out the sidebar on the right --------->
It's my Etsy shop! hehe! yay!

Sneak Peek

2008-10-24T23:38:00.009-04:00

Here's a teeny peek at our portraits from last weekend. I can't believe how much he has changed. The pictures on the left are from 2007, and the right from 2008. Egads, how time flies.

Oh my!

2008-10-24T09:45:00.003-04:00

Coolest thing ever! I always wondered how people got the cool blog backgrounds without having to pay...

I'm just not that tech savvy, and I wasn't going to pay someone money to change mine when it's not like a lot of people read it anyway, but then today I discovered:

http://thecutestblogontheblock.com/
and am amazed. Free blog backgrounds! It's great. Check it out, they might have something you like too!

An update! (Now with pictures!)

2008-10-21T08:44:00.007-04:00

We did say "cheese." Thanks for the suggestion Liz!

In fact we even did a "Toddler cheese" family picture. It was great. I'll have to post when I get a chance as we bought the rights to the pictures. Ché was very malleable. He let the photographer put him any way she wanted and just stayed there until she snapped the picture. It was almost like he was a mannequin. She kept saying that he was "awesome" and "handsome."

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We're on our round of shots. We started them on Sunday and they hurt! I did some reading and it's actually the medicine that stings, not the needle, so there isn't much we can do to help that. I go in tomorrow for an ultrasound and blood work to see what's going on in there.

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On Sunday, Ché wanted to play outside for awhile. So I sat out and watched him scoot around on the driveway in the lines a couple neighbor hood kids made with chalk. I decided since it was a gorgeous day and that I would spend the time painting my toenails. I do not do this often, but I like to do it. It was a Sunday and the Bears were on, so I now have blue and orange toenails. I know this doesn't make an interesting blog post, but there's more. When Ché saw what I was doing he was immediately interested and insisted on having his toenails painted too. How could I refuse? I tried to explain that it was something that girls do, but he insisted that he too needed Bears toes. So he now has one blue foot and one orange foot full of painted nails. Of course I took pictures!

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I've been knitting like a fool lately. I think it's the cool weather. I have recently finished two projects that I'm really happy about. One is a pair of socks for Mike. I used a self pattern yarn in blue, green and brown tones that reminded me of a stream. They are really stretchy, and I'm told that he likes them. (I always worry that I'm going to get one smaller than the other...)
I also finished a hat for Ché. It's a simple ear flap hat in a subtle multi green color. However, since we don't make things simple in our house it has bright orange dinosaur spikes on the top! It's the hat he picked out and was really excited to see it being made. He proudly wore it this morning after seeing it completed for the first time.

I also opened an etsy shop. I don't have anything posted yet, because I haven't taken the time to photograph anything that's lying around, but I'm thinking of offering the dino hat as a custom order. It only took me about 7-9 days to finish completely since it was knit on big needles.

Visit my Etsy Shop if you care! I don't have a lot but if you have something specific in mind, please let me know and we can see what we can work out!
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Very ready for this election to be done. I can't fathom how someone can still be undecided. What more information do you need? What more can they say about one another that's going to sway you?
To tide me over, I've visited this site that Mike pointed me too. Take a look. It's silly.

http://yeswecarve.com/

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Ideas Anyone?

2008-10-17T13:07:00.003-04:00

Ché is having his 3 year old portraits tomorrow, and we're doing a family portrait.

Any thoughts? I'm at a total loss on what to do!

Wash, Rinse, Repeat!

2008-10-14T15:59:00.002-04:00

It's time again for the fun of injections and hormone drugs! I'm glad that I called, cause I have to take pills today...

It's gonna be an interesting week to say the least!

On another note, I interviewed for a job today. I don't need a new job, but there is certainly room for improvement in where I work now. I could really use more of a challenge. Of course I got the stock answer "I have more people to interview, and I'll be in touch," so I just have to wait and see. I've never felt so confident going into an interview though, since I don't "need" the job. Such a different experience!

Belated, but better than never!

2008-10-13T11:34:00.004-04:00

Saturday, October 11, 2008 was Mike and my 5th year anniversary (I can hardly believe that I'm old enough for that...)

But it's true. 5 years. 19% of my life has been lived with Mike, which is 1,852 days!

Amazing.

So we celebrated with a gift card that Mike had received for his birthday (Thank you!) and enjoyed an evening alone.

We dined at Bonefish, where Mike, very predictably had the trout with tomato, lime, garlic sauce and I had the pork tenderloin with the portabella piccatta sauce. It was very yummy. Of course we shared some Bang, Bang, shrimp and a key lime pie piece for dessert.

Since our reservations were at 8:00 we went home after dinner, put on comfy clothes and watched TV. I know, you're jealous of our very active life

But, the best part is that I got to spend time with Mike, alone, without being interrupted. I love Ché and wouldn't do anything to change our family, but it was nice to have a night alone!

I'm happy to be married, I have no regrets, and I'm looking forward to many, many more years! I leave you with this:

We were grinning like fools, so Mike said in his PicasaWeb album. I'm still grinning like a fool though knowing how happy I am, even though we do have some bumps in the road!

Yay us! and Happy Anniversary Momd!

Toddler Musings

2008-10-13T11:17:00.010-04:00

Every Monday Ché attends "school." Mike and I switch off taking Ché to school every week so that it isn't a burden on one of us, and we both get the joy of picking him up at the end of the day. I believe we both take different routes to get to school, and the route that I take, leads us down a very busy residential area with a lot of kids. Being that we're traveling around 8 o'clock makes it so that there are a lot of buses out in the morning. One thing that I have been amazed at is the differences in the conversations now involving the buses vs. a year ago. A year ago at best we got a "BUS!" shouted excitedly from the back seat, but now, it's much more involved.

On our way to school this morning (10.13.08) we took our normal route, since driving down Portage usually heeds 6 or more buses.
We (Ché and I) were counting buses and I was explaining the difference between the school bus and the city bus.

(Can you tell the difference?)

Well, luckily the city bus in front of us dropped a lady off with her groceries, and he saw it, promptly telling me “Momma, that bus dropped that lady off.”

So then Ché continued to tell me that he would like to ride a bus too. I told him that he was not old enough to ride the school bus, however that anyone could ride the city bus. I asked him where the bus would take him and he told me that it would take him to school, then pick him up at school and then drop him off at home where Momma and Daddy and Candy are.

This alone was a great conversation but it didn't stop there!

So Ché continues talking about when he’s bigger he’s going to ride the bus to work. (What an environmentalist we're raising!) I ask him where he works, and he told me at a hotel. I asked him what he did for his job at a hotel and he told me that he ate and swam in the swimming pool, then he changed his mind and said that he swam in two pools. He also went on to tell me that sometimes he feeds the bird at the hotel where he works, eating and swimming. (Some of this comes from our trip to Indy where the hotel had a parrot in a cage that of course was fascinating)

I then asked Ché what he wants to be when he’s bigger, and he told me, “A lobster.” I confirmed what he said and he further explained that he wants to be a lobster so he can “pinch, pinch, pinch.”

(Perhaps this is what he has in mind?)

Fascinating. Utterly fascinating that we have moved from "BUS!" to whole conversations with context and meaning, and free thinking. Sigh, I guess he really is growing up even though we still wear 18 mo. pants...

Our first not nice thing to say.

2008-10-07T08:52:00.003-04:00

Ché said his first not nice thing this morning. Sure he's said other words, but not with the point of saying it. Just repeated, but this morning, when Daddy asked Ché to eat his breakfast (I know how dare he.) Ché looked at him and said "Kiss my butt."

We cannot for the life of us figure out who has said this. Ché tried to pawn it off on Grandma, but we know better. For some reason I just can't picture Grandma taunting a toddler with "Kiss my butt." throughout the day.

The Indoctrination

2008-10-06T14:37:00.001-04:00

Is strong in Ché.
On Saturday, Ché woke up asking for socks. I give him credit, it was chilly. However, he cared what socks. What kind did he want? Bears socks.

When I informed him that they were in the wash and not clean, he sighed, then very nicely said:

"I want Bears sheets"

The indoctrination has not only started in our house, but it is strong in our house.

It's been a while...

2008-09-29T12:29:00.006-04:00

Boy, it's been a while since I've put anything up here...

So what's new?

September 5th I had surgery to explore and poke around my uterus. That was fun...What was fun though was that we stayed at the Embassy Suites in Caramel, Indiana, which was about 6 blocks from the hospital (rather convenient) and it had a parrot. That's right a parrot. My mom had gone with us so that Ché could go to, and I don't think there is anything more exciting than having breakfast with a parrot.On another note, I did have a *tiny* bit of endometriosis, a flap of hanging tissue, and some ovarian drilling done. I was sore for about a week and a half, and the worst part was not being able to lift Ché. I had a 10 lb. weight limit, which just wasn't fun.But I feel great now, and I have noticed a difference. The ovarian drilling (This link is a picture, you must be very brave to click on it...)lowers testosterone levels, and I think I've noticed a difference in the way I've been acting and feeling. Mike was a tremendous help during that week and a half. He took care of Ché, and made sure that I wasn't doing things I shouldn't be, as well as doing some extra things around the house.
September 21 -- Go Bears! Even though they lost, it was well worth the trip! The seats were great, we didn't get any sun, thanks to the structure holding the big TV. We also got a great souvenir for Ché...

Given his great love of Daddy's Bears and Halloween this year, it's been a great thing.

Ché's been talking up a storm, with his new favorite things being: "Mama said I could," and "I'm just teasin'." It really makes for some interesting conversations, but not as good as the one last night where he wanted me to help him hold himself down so that he didn't spray all over the bathroom. There was a lot of "You tuck it Mama" going on, which was hard to explain why that was not my job.
We still have not moved Ché to a big boy bed. He will climb over the railing but only if it is down and if one of us is around to supervise. I have to admit, I'm glad he's not in a big boy bed, it really saves us sometimes in regards to not having a little person in our bed, or one staring at you at 5 in the morning. Not that Ché is a bad sleeper, I just don't want the possibility of that.

Other than that, life's been fairly boring. How about you?

Looking Back

2008-09-16T13:39:00.004-04:00

Last night Ché was playing in the basement playroom, and I took advantage and decided to look at some e-mails, and catch up on some blogs.

One blog had a post of a 13/14 month old Guatemalan adoptee trying to figure out the shaking head and nodding business that we know as Yes/No. Ché heard and of course wanted to see the video.

He watched it with amazement and then asked to see video's of Ché. I obliged.

Ché and I ended up watching some videos of himself from when he was little, some from Guatemala, and others from home.

I have to say, I don't remember some of those things happening, and what amazes me even more is that they seem so long ago, when in fact they weren't.

Ché was amazed too. He knew it was him that he was looking at and then was laughing at himself the entire time. He would point out when Daddy was talking, or if my hand was in the picture, etc.

It was really cute. If I get a chance, I'll post the two movies that made him laugh the hardest.

The Fuss!

2008-09-12T11:09:00.008-04:00

When Mike and I walked into his parents house last night, Ché was on the phone...
Grandma was on the phone, and Grandpa was running around as usual.

Why the fuss? A new baby!

Graham Edward Brueseke

7 lbs. 13 oz

21 3/4 inches long

Born at 4:58 pm

was born yesterday to Uncle Matt and Uncle Emily. (Ché was a little despondent that they didn't go with his choice of names... although it is very cute to hear him say 'raham')

Congratulations new Mommy and Daddy!

Graham was born at 4:58, weighing 7 lbs oz, and is inches long.
Pictures I'm sure are coming.

The new mommy is doing fine!

Whatever you do, don't let a 2 year old name a child or From the Mouths of Babes

2008-08-26T09:39:00.002-04:00

We've been talking a lot about babies in our house. Mike's brother is going to be a daddy soon, and so we discuss babies, and that Matt and Emily are going to be a Mommy and Daddy, and that Grandma is going to have another grandbaby like Ché.

Even though they live in Kansas, we thought it would be nice to keep Ché updated. Ché constantly wants to buy things for the Uncle Matt and Uncle Emily's baby. (Yes, Uncle Emily, not aunt) He's picked up bottles, wipes, diapers, and recently was fascinated with a pair of hot pink "baby" boots with black fringe. (see Uncle Matt and Aunt Emily, we could have let him buy those!)

So we talk often, and we let Ché wager on whether it's a boy or girl. Last night he decided that Uncle Emily was going to have a boy. We curiously asked him what he would name a baby if he had a little brother. The answer: Juice.

After Mike and I came up for air after laughing so hard, we poised the same question only about a girl. The answer: Choo Choo Train.

So if you are struggling with the name game, and would like something totally unique, Ché's naming skills are for hire.

We're Coming...

2008-08-23T23:05:00.002-04:00

To see the Bears!

September 21, 2008
at
12:00pm
Soldier Field
where the Bears will be playing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

We'll be sitting up quite high. Section 355, Row 24. And we have two aisles seats. Not great seats, but what can you expect... for the money.

It's an early anniversary present. It's our 5 year anniversary and it's supposed to be traditionally paper. The tickets, are made of paper, so I complied.

I did my time.

2008-08-13T22:10:00.003-04:00

I served my jail time. And raised enough money to send a kid to camp! Yay you! Thank you everyone who helped out by donating to my bail.
I was able to raise $615 total. ($885 short of my $1500 goal!, but good nonetheless)

Apparently, if you feel guilty for not donating there's still time. 30 more days to be exact, so hop over if you want and up my amount!

Interesting

2008-07-24T08:56:00.003-04:00

A bit of background:

My parents live in a century+ old house. It's a farmhouse that at one time encompassed nearly all of our neighborhood, from the street we live on to the train tracks (now about 8-10 blocks away) and similarly as far to the east and west. It was owned by the same family until my parents bought the house in 1982. The Perkins family had lived in the house and farmed the land for many years before selling off the land to make houses for returning WWII veterans. (These houses have become lovely low income now.)

Regardless, when my parents bought the house it came with an abstract. We don't get these anymore, but it's kinda neat. The abstract contained information about the house, when things were done, things about the family, etc. that had lived there. In the abstract (which was very detailed) they made mention of the family members, and how the land was to be divided. One family member, a daughter to the original owners, was given her share of the land, although it was said that she would be allowed to stay in the house with whomever lived in the home and the brothers were to take care of her land, giving her the majority of profit. We assumed this meant that she was handicapped in some way and couldn't get on by herself, and wasn't marry-able. Her name, Amelia, was mentioned one other time, and then she drops off the face of the abstract. The other children are given detailed histories, when they married, their children, what happened to their land, when they died. But no Amelia. No, Amelia just disappeared.

So of course, my parents said she died in the house and was buried there and no one wanted anyone to know, so they didn't write it done. This left lots of room for speculation. Did the brothers murder her for her land? Did she die in an accident? There were so many possibilities. Of course, we were also told that Amelia was still around. We have a Michigan basement, which was concreted over in October of some year (everything happened in that house in October), and it had holes drilled in it, presumably for treating bugs, or dealing with the squeaky bricks underneath the concrete. We were told, as kids, that this was for Amelia to breath. No joke, my parents have a sick sense of humor. I was terrified of that basement and still won't go down there alone at night. I am also notorious for keeping that deadbolt bolted.

As we grew up we believed less and less of Amelia and her happenings in the house, but a few conversations have led us to believe that maybe she really did stick around. I remember once both my parents talking about when they first moved into the house (I was about a year, my brother over 3), and my mom woke to go and check on him. When she went out into the hall, a white figure in a long dress, thin with long hair was in the door to my brother's room. It turned looked and mom and disappeared. I guess there were other sightings and feelings throughout the house. Nothing bad ever happened, no threats, no things falling off walls, etc., so it was just assumed that it was Amelia and she was checking things out. She disappeared completely when we got older. The other day my nephew said he didn't want to stay at Nana's house anymore because the lady in the hallway won't let him get out of bed. hmmm.

Anyway, the thought now is that she's around to check up on the house when things change. When she's satisfied that everything is going alright she disappears.

Which brings me back to my original post thought:

I was talking to Mom yesterday and she told me she had a visitor. I suspected my brother, or Aunt, but no, she said Dad stopped by.
She proceeded to explain that this was the 3rd time he's come by, and each time it's been on a day that's been rough for her. Yesterday she said that when he stopped by he stood in the doorway, like he used to, looking coy and acting funny, then told her "Love you Babe," and "I told you things would be alright." He apparently stayed a bit longer, then left.
At first I didn't want to believe my mom, thinking that she was dreaming, or who knows what. But the detail with which she described the happening and the way that she said she felt afterward is too uncanny. She said she felt so calm and slept better after he stopped by and this has been how it was the previous 2 times.

So what do you think? Believe or not? At this point I'd like to think he's visiting, but even if it isn't true I sure do like that it gives Mom some peace.

$185

2008-07-22T13:02:00.002-04:00

One Hundred Eighty Five.

That's how much money has been given to keep me out of the MDA jail.

It's great, but it's not gonna keep me out...

$1500 - $185 = $1315 left to go.

Please help me!

He wants you...

2008-07-18T15:26:00.001-04:00

To donate to my bail!

HELP!

2008-07-17T08:46:00.006-04:00

Help me!
I'm being locked up for MDA on August 13, 2008 at 9:00am.

You see, my lovely friend from work signed me up. I'll be escorted from my work at 9:00 on August 13th, to Tippecanoe Place for an hour, where I'll have to make phone calls to raise money, unless I post my "bond" of $1500 prior.

So, if you have some extra money lying around, feel free to send it my way!

CLICK HERE TO BAIL ME OUT! (You know you want to!)

Remember, every little bit helps, and if you don't send it now, I'll be forced to call you on Aug. 13th begging!

Happy Birthday

2008-07-14T09:55:00.002-04:00

Today my Mike turns 30!

(You're old! haha)

We had a surprise party on Saturday which turned out great. The storms and bad weather never showed up and even though it was hot at least we weren't all huddled in the basement waiting for tornados.

The kids had a great time playing together, and I do believe Mike was truly surprised.

So, sorry Mike there are no big plans for today, but hopefully it's still been a great birthday!

On the way to work...

2008-07-11T08:35:00.003-04:00

A lot of people in our town are biking to work. We've had wonderful weather in which to do so, and with gas prices...
One of the streets I take to work everyday has a bike lane, which means i get to see a lot of people on their way to work. Mostly younger people with button down shirts, dress pants and tennis shoes, with a backpack on. Today I saw a gentleman that had to easily be in his mid to late 60's riding to work. He too donned the uniform of button down shirt, etc. He even had a helmet, which I thought was pretty progressive for someone of advanced years. ("I didn't have to wear one as a kid!" mentality keeps a lot of people helmet less).

The shocking thing to me though was not his age, nor the helmet. It was that he was smoking a cigar during his ride.

2008-07-10T13:09:00.002-04:00

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.

Today is my parents 37th wedding anniversary. I got my mom a card. Not an anniversary card, a Thinking of you card, because I am. There isn't a thing I can do, or say that's going to make this day any easier for her, I just hope that it goes by quickly and in the end helps make her realize that even though Dad is gone, he's not. We think about him all the time, even Ché.

I love you both.

Today's Post brought to you by the letter I...

2008-07-08T08:50:00.006-04:00

for Ignorance.

Sunday, Mike, Ché and I headed out to return a Little Bear movie to Blockbuster. (about .3 miles) so we walked. Ché hitching a ride in the stroller.

(Little Bear was his first feature length film by the way, terribly exciting and had to be cut into 2 viewings.)

We were heading to the end of the driveway, and getting ready to turn when we noticed that our neighbor (whose selling her home; cute house, 2 bdrms. if anyone is looking) had put out some furniture and a guy was picking it up.

He was driving a top of the line 90's Astro Van, with the technological advance of bungee cords holding the back doors together.

He loaded up the table and entertainment center, bungeed his doors shut, climbed in through the passenger side door and drove off.

By this time we were a couple houses down and thinking nothing of the guy. We've taken stuff off of people's yards before when they're throwing it out, and we are certainly no strangers to yard sales and consignment stores.

However, this wasn't the end of gray van guy. He drove past us, hanging slightly out the window and yelled something.

It didn't really register right away what was said, but eventually it hit us.

"Sorry dude, that ain't your baby."

We were both really taken aback. We've never had anyone make a comment like this towards our family. Most people either understand or are too polite to say anything. I've had people do double takes when it's just Ché and I, but the normal comments we get are the ones about how cute/handsome/beautiful, etc. he is.

We didn't know quite how to respond. By this time the van and it's occupant had made it across the big street, and was gone. Mike had sent him a little gesture of appreciation (behind the stroller and out of sight of eyes, of course), which was returned with the same gesture.

Regardless, there wasn't much we could do and we tried to remain calm so that Ché didn't think something was wrong. It was just interesting. I laugh about it now, but at the time was very disturbed. It's not that the comment hurt me, because I truly don't care, but the fact that some day, in the very near future Ché is going to understand those comments, and it's going to hurt him.

He is our son, he is our child, and nothing will change that.

Stuck

2008-07-03T22:14:00.004-04:00

Ever get to a place where you want to make a decision, but can't due to some outside limiting factor.
That's where I (we) are.

If you didn't realize from the last post, this cycle didn't work. We did bravelle shots, and HcG shot, timed intercourse, and HcG booster, bloodwork, ultrasounds, etc. and came up short.
This is only the 2nd cycle that we've done this time around. The 1st cycle was cancelled due to poor egg production (weren't big enough)
This time there was one egg ready on my left, and one on the right, only the right doesn't count. You see my fallopian tube and a cyst had a battle, and my body lost out.

Regardless, the problem is that when I called Dr. Jarrett's office to inform them of the negative HPT test, the nurse said something to the effect of, "Now, Dr. Jarrett wouldn't like me telling you this, but with only one side connected you should consider IVF. I have two kids by IVF thanks to Dr. Jarrett, and I really think that's what you should consider."
Then she proceeded to say that usually at this point patients take a month break, (during which you can try on your own), and then go back to treatment. She then asked if that's what we wanted to do, or if we wanted to talk to the Dr. ourselves... hmm, let me think really hard about that one...
So we have an appointment on the 18th to talk to Dr. Jarrett again.

I have to say, I'm not optimistic. Having your spouse give you repeated injections, doing bloodwork every other day, and taking pills, etc., just isn't what I call a great time, especially if doing all that doesn't prove an outcome.
When we tried the very first time, back in 2004/2005, we came to this point where we were being pushed to do IUI's, (turkey baster), and we stopped. We decided it wasn't worth it anymore, and that since what we really wanted was a family, there were different ways to go about that. We got the most wonderful start to a family that way. But we don't want to raise Ché as an only child. It seems so lonely. We started trying again on our own, instead of going straight to adoption because of the cost. Technically, even without insurance coverage doing some of these less invasive treatments is cheaper. Costing about $800-$1000 a month instead of $30,000 for an adoption. The problem is, it isn't getting us anywhere.
We did have the fortunate luck to have Dr. Jarrett write things in such a way that our insurance decided to cover some of the meds, but no matter what he's not going to be able to get a big Catholic University to cover IUI's or IVF's. It's just not a possibility. An IUI runs around $6000-8000 and IVF of course is more. The first time around we were told that IVF doesn't usually work the first time around, so you should always plan to pay for two cycles.

So now here we are, stuck at a point where a decision has to be made. A tough one, that has the limiting factor of finances. We can't afford further infertility treatment, and we can't afford another adoption. So our really only true option, is to raise Ché as an only child. (We know, foster care, but there are issues there that I just don't feel like going into...)

It's a lonely world, that very few people seem to understand.

Today

2008-06-29T08:32:00.000-04:00

was HPT day.

I failed.

The 100th Post or Everybody and their Uncle

2008-06-23T09:07:00.005-04:00

Ha. It's not a big deal although, kinda neat!

We made it to Chicago. The train ride was great on the way there. We scored a handicapped seat, which meant that Mike and I sat next to one another (riding backwards), and Mom had a single seat, with Ché next to her in his stroller.

He played, and talked with all the people going to the potty since it was across the aisle, and made friends with a little boy that had to go 2 x's on the ride there. Ché had things to keep him busy, and he did a really good job for the two hour ride. One way cost each of us $10.10. Ché was free.

The thing of note though was the amount of people on the train. There were tons. The train added 2 cars in Michigan City and by the time we got to 57th people were standing. We hadn't known that there was a Sox vs. Cubs game that day which made for tons of people playing hooky on a Friday.

We arrived and departed the train at 57th street, and walked a few blocks to the museum. (We took note at this point that parking was $14.00 in the museum garage.) We walked with a throng of people to the museum, and when we got to the basement where you purchase tickets, found a very very long line. Ché was a saint though. He waited patiently in the stroller and understood that we had to wait in line. We decided to eat lunch first so that we didn't have to pull Ché away from an exhibit. Again, did really well, and loved watching all the other people that were eating too.

From the cafeteria we went to the farm exhibit, which was awesome because you got to climb in a tractor, stand next to simulated cow poop, and watch a milking machine. We then headed to the fire trucks, and the miniature castle. Ché left the mini-castle. Not interested in that at all. We then headed to the 3rd floor which has the airplanes, trains, and the mini-train village of Seattle and Chicago.

Mom made Ché a mold-a-rama train.

He was uberexcited. He was unsure of the big train though. Wouldn't stand next to it for a picture. I think he was afraid that it was going to move. We did sit on the trolley car though, which he really enjoyed. We then got to see chickens in the DNA exhibit, and get our fingerprints taken.

We walked to the Yesterday Village where Mom had a nostalgia moment because when she visited the museum in 8th grade they had the same picture studio with the car and the hats.

Ché thoroughly enjoyed watching the silent film in the teeny movie theater and would have stayed all day had we let him. We then visited the gift shop, and then smashed a penny for Ché's book.

We still had a few hours to kill before the train left, so we wondered Hyde park, went into a bookstore, and marveled at the architecture of the buildings. We then stopped at ate at Orly's. It was awesome. The best turkey burger ever.

We made the train in time, and stood in the vestibule while waiting for a seat. We stood for about 5 stops. Ché curled into the stroller and fell asleep. We finally got seats, and rode the rest of the way home entertaining Ché who for being so tired, did a great job. We did have two crazy kids behind us (about Ché's age), that screamed, and fake vomited, and other lovely noises. Ché watched them but was unsure of their behavior and eventually just started to ignore them (yay!)

I will post some pictures when I get home.

A cake

2008-06-18T09:12:00.003-04:00

Recently I was asked to make a cake for someone at Mike's work. I've really always liked the person, so I thought, hey why not spend a lot of time and go all out. I can't say they're as good as Tracy's cakes but not bad for first time using marzipan I thought it was fine.

Yes. It's people putting pretzel logs in a stream. That's what they're research was all about.

And a close up. This was prior to eyes and mouths being added.

Hopefully with practice, it'll get better! (The cake also got trees added out of ice cream cones, and the green blobs got frosting to look like bushes)

A few weekend pictures

2008-06-18T08:55:00.009-04:00

We went to Lowe's on Saturday for some building. We were supposed to make a tape measure, but the shipment didn't come in. So every kid got something different.
Ché was patiently waiting with his hammer for the kits to come out. What would we get?

Why a toolbox! Ché was very excited. We had to hide the stickers till the end.

And a proud Ché all finished. We told him if he was good in the store, then he could get a new tool for his box. He was very very good while we looked at grills.

I cut off his head, because he didn't get the point of holding the tool box at chest height. It was either in front of his face, or down low. Taking pictures in the middle of the light bulb aisle also does not give you a lot of time to adjust for these sorts of things. At the end of the trip, Ché did get his tool. He was very adamant about getting a hammer. So we came home with a Kobalt hammer.

On Father's Day, Ché and I went to church, and then brought Daddy home a bagel breakfast. Mike then continued going through his t-shirts, making cut-offs of the ones with pit rot so bad they stand up on their own. I turned around from working in the kitchen to see this:

Because of course, a t-shirt sleeve makes a great headband. Note the tightness on Daddy's head...

Friday also brought some freaky storms. We got rain, thunder, and hail. We were both stunned at the hail. It did wake Ché from his nap as it hit the windows, and he asked if it was raining. We told him yes, and he went back to sleep.

The black pole is our lampost. It continued for quite awhile, and luckily there was no damage to either of our cars. A friend from work though does have $500 worth of damage and she was just 3 streets over.

And now

2008-06-16T09:01:00.008-04:00

We wait.

I think that this has to be the worst part. There's no control, and yet you question every feeling, every twitch, everything.

And on to other things:

Father's Day:

It was very difficult. At church the choir director chose a song that was played at Dad's funeral. I started crying, Mom was crying, and Ché was wondering what the heck was going on. The director came downstairs after mass, and apologized for not warning us, but that she chose it because she thinks of Dad everytime she hears the song now. (I'm at work and can't find an actual clip of it).

Mom left then, and said she was going to spend time with Dad. I left her alone most of the day. On the way home from church we got a bagel and a vitamin water for Daddy and took him breakfast. (Sorry, no breakfast in bed for you Daddy!)

We spent some time at the grocery store, and had hamburgers on our new grill for dinner. We bought the grill on Saturday, after building a tool box with Ché. Instead of a patch, they gave us a $10 off coupon, and since we had a $10 credit on our bill, and so we decided to retire our old grill. (It's been with us for 6 years, and prior to that with my grandma for at least 4)

It was fairly uneventful. We didn't really get Daddy anything good either gift wise, so pretty blah Father's Day.

Here are some pictures taken a few weeks ago. Ché got a new tricycle. He couldn't quite reach the pedals, so we had to modify and move the seat up. He knows how to pedal it, but he's more content to just ride the scoot-y car for now.

The modifying underway. Moving the seat forward farther than it's supposed to be to account for teeny legs.

Ready, Set, Go!

2 thoughts; 2 subjects

2008-06-14T09:26:00.003-04:00

Dang that HcG shot hurt!

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It's hard to be interested after your spouse administers the painful HcG shot.

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I have to say out of all of the shots, it was the worst. It actually made my stomach pouch out, where the shot was given. Mike said the needle didn't want to go in. It also stung a lot more than the others, and left a puncture mark.
But it's done. I go next Thursday for an HcG check, and possibly a booster. I will also have bloodwork done on Thursday.

After this weekend, it's just a wait and see time.

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3 upcoming things:

1.) We're getting ready to go to Lowe's to build a tape measure. Ché is very excited, because he can have a tape measure like Nana! Hopefully get to post pictures later.

2.) We're going to the zoo next Saturday with other adoptive families in our area. Yay!

3.) Next Friday, we're coming up to Chicago (BEAVERS!) to go to the Science and Industry Museum since it's free. It's only $9 a person to ride the train and Ché is free, so we're making a day of it with Nana.

It's going to be a busy weekend...

2008-06-12T22:04:00.002-04:00

We got the go ahead from Dr. Jarrett.
We do a trigger on Friday, then a "busy" weekend...
I will have an HcG check next Thursday, and a possible HcG booster.

Things apparently looked good enough to go.

On another note...
Father's Day is Sunday. It's going to be a hard one. Any suggestions on how to make it easier for my Mom.
She had looked through old things, and pulled out cards we had bought for Dad, and made for Dad in years past. It's going to be rough.

Ask and ye shall receive

2008-06-09T10:23:00.002-04:00

After complaining in my last post about how Mike's work was going to cover part but not all of the drugs, I get a phone call with good news.
They're going back to April 1, which means everything is covered. We'll be getting money back to help pay for all of the drugs. Wow.

On another note, I haven't written about it this time, just keeping it in, but here's the new report:

Letrozole is done, hot flashes included. (I hope), the shots have been going well. Mike is getting pretty good at it, and I had an ultrasound this morning. There are about 4 eggs to be seen, but only 1 is the right size.

But you know, it only takes one. And in our minds, 1 is better than 4.

The only thing that went south was the blood draw. Normally I don't have a problem with this. Not to say that I like it, but at least I can do them now without going crazy. the phlebotomist today couldn't find my vein. (I normally have very good veins). She found it in my left arm, poked and nothing. She jiggled the needle, poked deeper, and nothing. I felt like I was going to vomit and faint. (read: lightheaded, iron taste in mouth, hot...) She finally gave up and went to the other arm with a smaller needle. It worked, thank goodness, because I don't know that I could have done another poke.

I truly think though that the only thing that kept me from puking, was the mint gum I had popped in prior to my appointment. I just hope that this doesn't happen again.

Good but Frustrating

2008-06-06T10:57:00.003-04:00

Dr. Jarrett wrote a letter to Mike's employer explaining the need for the current drugs, and that we were using them for purposes of getting my straightened out, as well as the hope of acheiving a pregnancy.

The Good News? They decided to cover it. It's unprecedented really. A large Catholic institution covering fertility meds.

The frustrating part? The letter is dated April 29, 2008. This means that they are going to cover from May 1, 2008 and on. We picked up the first doses of the medicine on April 23rd.

Sigh.

Brueseke Brothel

2008-06-03T09:17:00.003-04:00

I wrote a post a while back about how no good phone calls happen in the wee hours.
The last phone call at 3:00 was worse, but the one last night at 2:00 wasn't great.

We're sleeping (obviously it's 2am.), and Ché had just woken up from a bad dream (yelling No, No, No is the indicator). I had come back to bed after checking on him, and the phone rang. Now, last time the phone rang during the early morning hours it was because my Dad had passed away. I definately expected the worst.

However this is the conversation that followed:

Me: Hello

Man: Hey

Me: Yes?

Man: You were supposed to send a girl over and I haven't heard from you.

Me: I think you have the wrong number.

Man: Are you sure?

Me: Positive

I hung up the phone at that point. He didn't seem like he believed me that we weren't a whore house. Of course my wonderful imagination made it hard to get back to sleep what with the thinking about police knocking in our door to break up our red light activities, or strange man on the phone coming by to make sure we didn't short him his ho.

Sigh, life is always interesting.